self care Archives - Page 5 of 7

Comparison and recovery: a reminder for the new year

In the last couple of weeks, there’s been a theme to my client calls. I’m going to call it The Late January Blues. Perhaps you know it?

We’ve all rushed into the year, full of hope and possibility, and then we’ve hit a wall. And, in the world of small business, where the Christmas season can really take it out of you, hitting the wall looks like two things:

You’re looking around at “everyone else” and seeing unprecedented success and unwavering energy for new projects. And, of course, you then imagine yourself as coming up lacking.
You just can’t get motivated. You know there’s loads to do. You’ve got big vision for 2016 and your business, but you’re finding it hard to get out of bed.

These are the things plaguing my clients at the moment. So, I want to revisit two key business practices that will keep you sane. They are Comparison Combat and Self-Care Of The Highest Order.

Self-Care Of The Highest Order

If you’re a gift-based business, likelihood is you had to work pretty hard in the run up to Christmas. And I want to be really clear about my definition of “working hard”: it’s not about working to 150% capacity or even hitting 14 hour days. There is no blanket one-size-fits-all definition of working hard that applies to everyone. If you worked a lot, worked hard, juggled work and family commitments, worked hard in an emotional capacity, worked hard at worrying about working hard, then you’re in the club.

You’re the only one who can decide whether or not you worked hard. It’s your own standard to create. But please don’t make “working hard” something that other people say it is. Don’t make it about 14 hour days and working in your sleep and resulting in 10,000 sales a day. Sometimes, I work hard and only work 4 hours a day. But I still work hard.

So, let’s say you worked hard. And then you had a few days off between Christmas and New Year. You spent time with family and friends (not always restful) and it was nice to not be working. Now, the truth is, for the majority of people I’ve spoken to of late, that was not enough rest to replenish your energy and enthusiasm.

And this is the economics of self-care: sometimes we have to rest FIRST in order to work hard later, especially if we’ve been running an energy deficit.

If you’re feeling unmotivated, or like you’re hating your business, or you start resenting the orders that do come in (while simultaneously worrying about money coming in), you need restoration. You need pure, unadulterated time off. You need to re-engage with the things you’re passionate about. You have my unconditional permission to take a day (or a week) off to take baths, read for pleasure, take slow-paced walks, avoid the washing up, write all your thoughts in a journal and nurture yourself. This isn’t catch-up-on-housework time. It isn’t “I could box up all that stuff for the charity shop and landscape the garden and bake 10,000 cakes” time. If you are worn out, you need the purity of self-care.

As a client told me last week, taking a day off (at my suggestion) on Friday made her Wednesday and Thursday more productive so that she could really relax at the end of the week. Taking the Friday off allowed her time to herself, without family commitments, to get back on track. I highly recommend it.

Comparison Combat

Unlike self-care, Comparison Combat is a more active practice! Self-care is often gentle and nurturing. Comparison Combat requires discipline. It’s still loving and ultimately nurturing, but because comparison comes from a fear-based place, it needs a firm hand, and it needs regular exercise to move away from it.

A quick reminder of comparison: checking Facebook, becoming obsessed with what other people are doing, seeing Instagram as an accurate representation of perfect homes and lives and businesses.

For me, it doesn’t just manifest as comparison to similar people or businesses. I can also get caught up in imagining what clients and potential clients want from me, rather than what I want to offer. Yes, of course I like to think about what would be most helpful to me clients. But it can also be a huge distraction, because people want and need a whole load of stuff that I’m not in a position to offer, either because I’m not qualified or not inclined.

When I get stuck in a spiral of doom (my original name for the comparison trap), the only way out is for me to shut it down. To switch off, log out, go for a walk, do whatever it takes to bring myself back to what I care about and what I’m focused on. A little check-out to then check back in.

So, what do you need?

Ah, my friends. What do you need? Self-care? Comparison Combat? Both?

Take a deep breath, maybe a piece of paper and pen. Reflect on what you might be feeling at the beginning of February. Have you been unconsciously unmotivated and blaming it on something other than burnout and over-working? Have you been caught in comparison, rather than focusing on your aims for the year?

A wonderful question from Tara Mohr: Are you being more faithful to your dreams or your fears?

Then, what needs to change?

Do you need more rest, more sleep, more free time?

Do you need to re-focus on your dreams?

What do you need to feel good?

How could you combat comparison in your day-to-day life?

I can’t wait to hear. I can’t wait to see you thrive.

Bloom: my word for 2016

Can you believe it’s 2016 already? In fact, can you believe it’s the 20th January? Crikey!

For the past three years, inspired by Susannah Conway and close friends, I’ve chosen a word for the year. A word to help guide me as I move through the year. In 2013, it was “let go”. In 2014, I chose “trust”. Last year, I decided on “care”. This year, it’s “bloom”.

When I look back at those words, I can see how I started with letting go of old beliefs and things that held me back, moved on to trusting myself and the universe as I started to dream of and create a new life and business for myself.

And of course this feels like a wonderful opportunity to check in with how care influenced last year for me. Having created a new home, a new business, started a new relationship in 2014, I was ready for some care in 2015. I was ready to care for myself, for my home, and for my clients. I was ready to explore what I needed to feel cared for. I also wanted to feel free to care about whatever I cared about – to follow my heart’s lead, rather than the things I “should” care about.

It worked! And it all unfolded in ways I couldn’t have predicted. I invested more in the yoga I love in order to care for my body. I threw myself into the work I love, and allowed myself to care about creating a really beautiful, nourishing retreat. I re-discovered how much I love to work with small businesses, with women, with like-minded folk.

And, at the end of the year, I’m not really done with care. There are ways in which I haven’t yet cared for myself. I’m still working on them. Care, like trust and letting go, has weaved its way into my values and thought processes. Which I thoroughly recommend, by the way. Caring for myself has led to better care of my partner, my home, my clients and my business. Check out last year’s Pinterest board if you’re looking for inspiration on how to invite in more care.

So what can I tell you about bloom?

It feels exciting. It feels expansive. It feels beautiful and feminine and gentle – and yet powerful.

In a session with my coach, Rachel, she suggested limitless as a potential word for 2016. Well, that was terrifying. But I knew what she was getting at: I’ve created this business, I’ve laid down the roots, and now I’m ready to take it to the next level, to expand in all kinds of ways I can’t even predict yet.

I can’t remember exactly where bloom came into my awareness, but I’m so glad it did! All that growth and expansion, but with real beauty and gentleness.

I love that it’s impossible to bloom without roots and nourishment.

I love the idea of blooming into a full expression of myself.

There are delicious quotes about blooming:

“Bloom where you are planted.”

“Happiness blooms from within.”

“She was learning to silence the noise and reawaken her own bright bloom.” (Kelly Rae Roberts) (And I do love a word that’s a verb and a noun…)

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

“Nothing in nature blooms all year – be patient with yourself.”

Don’t they feel hopeful? In fact, don’t they feel full of live in general? To feel alive, that’s what bloom feels like to me.

Of course, I started a Pinterest board for this year, too. I’ll keep adding to it throughout the year as I discover more about what bloom means for me. I can’t wait!

And what about you?

Do you have a word for the year? Have you chosen one before? Is there something you’re ready to invite in to your life and business? Do you fancy joining me in blooming?

I’d love to hear!

Here's the thing: you can't do everything

We think we can. We think we should be able to. We’re told that doing everything is just standard practice. It’s not even a big deal, it’s just what’s expected.

Successful business, perfect relationship, amazing friendships, a house that’s always clean, tidy and stylish, a perfect body, relaxed and highly effective parenting, picture-perfect holidays. That’s the picture. Be quirky, original, AND entirely acceptable.

And at this time of year, we add the idea that “this is just Christmas. This is what it’s supposed to be like: stressful, over-worked, doing everything because everything has to happen.”

It’s that feeling, when you look at your to-do list, that you cannot drop a single thing. They all need to happen before the end of the day. Because they just do! There’s no option!

When we’re over-worked, overwhelmed and have gone too long without sleep, rest and a calm moment – that’s when we’re even more susceptible to thinking we have to do everything. Ironically.

But here’s the thing: you can’t do everything

You’re not super-woman. You’re not superhuman. You, too, are limited by time, fallibility and the human need for sleep.

That’s not to say you’re not strong, resourceful, successful, and doing your best.

Let’s accept that those two things can happen at the same time. (I know you might need to suspend your disbelief for a second. Play along with me…)

If you’re both human and striving to do your best, what does your to-do list look like?

Perhaps you buy the mince pies for your Christmas drinks, instead of making them. Perhaps you cancel the entire thing.

Perhaps you pay for all your presents to be gift wrapped.

Perhaps you let go of a whole load of things.

Perhaps you ask for all kinds of help.

Now, this last one is where it gets tricky, I know, but if you can’t do it all, and some things really need to get done, asking for help is where it’s at.

You’re allowed to ask for help. All kinds of help.

Need a boost or help prioritising or to get it off your chest? I’m here. Get in touch.

I wish you a week of doing your best, but acknowledging that you can’t do it all. Welcome to the club.

Jenny xx

PS I created a little #inspiredadvent thing over on social media, which features a little word a day to prompt you. Today’s is simplicity. Appropriate, non?

And what about you?

But here’s the thing: you can’t do everything

Enter The Forge