believing in yourself Archives - Page 2 of 5

Here's the thing: when you're done with playing small

Some time last year, something switched for me. I decided to play bigger – with Copper Boom Studio, with my life, with my dreams.

I worked hard and I made big choices to rent a commercial space, to employ staff, to take on debt. Somewhere in there, I got overwhelmed. Understandable, right? After a huge expansion often comes a contraction. We stick our heads above the parapet, and then we want to duck back to safety again.

So December and January were very much about safety – keeping it quiet and small and manageable.

And then at the end of January, after I’d finished my second retreat weekend of the year, I was sat in a small tea shop with my dear friend Kelly, and it hit me: I’m done with playing small.

You see, after the expansion and contraction, you wait a bit. And the next wave comes.

I’m at the beginning of the next wave of playing big.

And this year, with pace as my guiding word and plenty of personal projects going on as well (a wedding, a home), playing big feels even more powerful. It feels more permanent, more manageable because it’s contained in this idea of finding a sustainable pace.

The feeling when I sat in that tea shop was one of quiet determination, and of clear boundaries.

I’m done with fighting the battles that aren’t mine.

I’m done with saying yes when I mean no. (More on that soon.)

I’m done with worrying all the time. I’ll still worry, but how about it isn’t the default?

I’m done with people pleasing so that I don’t even know what’s right for me anymore.

I’m done with hiding.

I’m done with fearing that it won’t work – I’m determined to make it happen.

So here’s the thing:

I know that being done with worry and fear and bullshit doesn’t mean that all magically goes away. So I’m not here to tell you that it will!

But what I do know is that making small changes, taking small steps towards upholding boundaries and getting more organised (something I’ve been neglecting in the huge growth periods) is doable and will help me to move past fear, worry and struggle.

For me, there’s a specific feeling in my body. It feels like focus, like I did when I stepped on stage with a saxophone in my hand to play in front of hundreds of people at school. (True story.) It feels like energy, but in a calm way, rather than chaotic freaking out energy.

Kelly said she could see it in my eyes, and I can feel it now, too.

So, what’s true for you? Are you in expansion or contraction right now?

Have you had a phase in your life when you felt like you were just done?

What are you done with now? What are you ready to release?

What are you ready to embrace instead?

What practical steps will you take to move forward towards your dreams (and away from fear)?

I’d love to hear!

PS Achievable Dreams, my monthly in-person workshops to help you play bigger in a manageable way, are now open for earlybird tickets – just £45 and payable in two installments.

The Big New Idea: creative hibernation

This time last week, it finally hit home after weeks of anguish and confusion: I need to actively put myself in creative hibernation.

I’d kind of told myself that I wouldn’t be taking on new clients or actively promoting my mentoring services while I set up my content studio here in Cambridge. Well, somehow I still managed to have new clients to call, pieces of work to do, and plenty of non-studio stuff to do. I had told myself this, but I hadn’t really put anything in place to enable me to carry it out.

Then, I was in a spin, because a couple of mentoring clients, for their own different reasons, have paused or reduced their mentoring time with me. A coincidence, and something I know is all about them (because I know them and their businesses well), and yet, because I was relying on income from my current mentoring clients to sustain me during these building months, it hit me hard.

Here’s my thought process: Do I change course and start advertising my mentoring services? I’m pretty sure I need the cash, and I can probably handle the additional hours. [Insert breakdown here.]

Even the thought of taking on more work, investing in new clients, and thinking about quick-win money making threw me into some dark, deep layers. Because it would break me, and I’d feel badly about launching something new that didn’t have my careful thought behind it.

Just adding more workload is something I’ve inherited from other people – it’s not my natural way of working, and I know it doesn’t cultivate my best work. But the messages are so pervasive in the work culture. We compete with busy-ness. We hold our worth by how tired we are. Well, it really doesn’t work for me.

Adding more work would also be self-sabotage, which my fear of success is really invested in! The truth is that I’d delay setting up something new because I needed to make money now, and I’d keep doing that for 70 years, probably.

Here’s what has really helped me to stay committed to the content studio: accountability to other people (our trial photoshoot is booked for this weekend) and investing in the branding. I don’t want to lose the money or time or goodwill I’ve already invested in those two things, and I know that if I pulled out of either now, I would lose momentum, which would be twice as hard to get back later.

After some serious(ly helpful) conversations with my coach and others, it became obvious that I had to re-commit myself. Let me be clear: NOT EASY! I am still reining in the negative voices and the fears. I’m giving them a little space to be heard, but mostly trying to turn the volume down. That allows my true values to show through. The ones that believe in quality, thoughtfulness, creativity and courage.

Thinking about who I really am, how I like to work, and how this is a temporary situation helped me to decide to put myself in creative hibernation.

So what does creative hibernation look like?

An out-of-office on my emails, telling people I’m not available for new clients or projects until August
Proactive emails to people telling them I can’t work on certain things
Making a list of the things / people I am available for
Actively pursuing all things content studio as my main activity
Allowing myself to dive into the work, for extended periods of time
Giving myself a stricter bedtime (10pm) so that I don’t get exhausted

Giving this period of setting something up a name has really helped. I find it easier to tell people, “I’m in creative hibernation right now.” And let that do the talking. There’s no decision about whether to do a piece of work or not – I’ve already decided what I’m doing and not doing.

And I continue to develop my ability to trust. Trusting that this period of creative hibernation (aka struggle, blind faith, deep commitment and investment) will pay off. That clients won’t forget that I offer mentoring, and that I’m really good at it. That this is temporary.

It feels so much better to be able to turn my attention to writing the stuff that needs writing, organise the stuff that needs to happen, and developing relationships with the people who are going to help.

Oh, and photoshoot this weekend! I mean, that’s going to be fun to share…

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Here's the thing: what they don't tell you about becoming self-employed

I was having a conversation with a wonderful client this week, and we both agreed: there is a lot they don’t tell you about becoming self-employed and starting a business.

Now, I know there are plenty of blog posts and articles and books out there telling us about the late nights and how you’ll have to get used to not having paid holidays and regular income. That’s all true. But they miss something out. Something big. Something that I’ve had to deal with, and that I help clients deal with every single day.

They don’t tell you how being your own boss will act as a giant magnifying glass, making you so much more aware of your habits, beliefs and attitudes to everything.

You realise what it means to be in charge of (and responsible for) your own life, actions, decisions. There’s no one else to blame. You’re not fighting a system or a boss or a culture. Everything is down to you.

You learn about your routine-making habits. Are you good at planning your time and sticking to a routine? Or do you find it hard to stay focused on your own? You gradually, over time, learn what kind of routine works for you. You keep learning it, and re-hashing it, because it changes.

The giant magnifying glass will blow up your beliefs about self-care so that they’re the Empire State Building. For months, I let exercise – even a walk in the park – become less important than emails or social media or just “getting ahead”. I let my work become more important than my body and wellbeing. I’ve had to examine that habit, because it doesn’t reflect what I actually believe.

Being self-employed will highlight every single thing you believe about money – how you earn it, how you spend it, what’s worth investing in. You’ll start to see where your fear crops up around investing. If it’s there, you’ll discover that you’re not naturally inclined to keep track of your expenses. Or perhaps, like some of my clients, you worry about every investment decision and keep yourself blinkered to what’s possible.

You will uncover a whole host of beliefs about your worth and your work’s value. What to charge? How to market? What have you been secretly believing about what marketing means? That you should just magically get customers without putting yourself out there? That you find it excruciating to put yourself out there? That you’re afraid of pissing people off by trying to make money doing what you love?

This is a particular area I’ve been thinking and learning about as part of my Playing Big training with Tara Mohr. The transition from “good student” to being out in the world of work, where the rules are very different. At school, we can quietly write essays and learn the rules and get good grades. It’s not easy, but we don’t have to put ourselves out there. In the world of work and business, we have to do the good work, make the good stuff AND talk about it. A lot. More than might feel comfortable. We have to get good at talking about it, so people know about our work. They don’t tell you about this discomfort and deep well of self-belief you have to build to combat it.

You’ll ask yourself questions like: Where are your boundaries? Are you worth the effort it takes to build, maintain and grow a business? Are you even capable of it? Can you ask for help? What if they (anyone) discover you’re not coping well? What does failure even mean?

You’ll find out that a lot of things don’t feel comfortable, and you’ll figure out how to deal with them.

I feel grateful that I had been working on my beliefs about my work, my worth, about money and time and quality and authenticity for years before I started my business. But even with the years of work and shifting beliefs, the enormity of the magnifying glass has still thrown any lingering doubt and fear and shame into bright and shocking light.

And I feel proud of myself for continuing to dive into all these beliefs and work through them. It’s absolutely essential to my work as a mentor, coach, consultant and retreat leader. It’s through looking through my own magnifying glass that I can guide my clients through working on their own stuff. I have the empathy and experience to have the conversations, question the beliefs, look at things differently. But I didn’t get here overnight.

So. If you’re reading this before you become self-employed, don’t be put off, but know that you’ve got a road ahead of you, and it includes some steep bits!

If you’re reading this as your own boss already, note which bits still stand out for you.

Either way, know that this magnifying glass business is a LOT easier and healthier when you have good, strong, appropriate support. A mentor or coach. A supportive network who truly gets it. A friend who can truly listen without sticking their own stuff in there.

The best, best thing you can do for yourself and your business is to be really honest about what’s going on. Struggling to keep up with your profit and loss? Explore the beliefs and old habits that are holding you back. Finding it difficult to share your products and market your business? Maybe it’s not just about it being ‘time-consuming’ – maybe you also have some beliefs about making your voice heard.

You may need someone to sit with you while you realise that you have these beliefs and habits holding you back. Find the right person, and while you do, hear this from me: It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. We all have limiting beliefs and struggles. They’re not the end of the world. You can get through them, even if it’s not today.

Deep breaths and cups of tea help.

So here’s the thing:

So what does creative hibernation look like?

They don’t tell you how being your own boss will act as a giant magnifying glass, making you so much more aware of your habits, beliefs and attitudes to everything.

Enter The Forge