fear Archives - Jenny Pace

Here’s the thing: fear is the biggest distraction

I spent Monday in what I would, in previous years, called a daze. I drank tea, I wrote, I read. I made a rather pathetic attempt at writing emails. A lot of the day was spent staring into space.

Sounds productive, huh?

Actually, it was. And like so much of life, the difference between utterly unproductive and deeply clarifying, productive work could not be seen on the outside. Had you seen me, you’d have thought I was wasting a day.

On the inside, it felt like I was synthesising a whole load of ideas, wisdom, thoughts, needs, and wants. Something was shifting, but the only way to allow it to happen was to be quiet and highly unproductive.

By the time I went to bed, a thought had bubbled up from all this contemplation and it said: All you’re doing is trying not to get hurt.

And, reader, it was 100% correct.

All I have been doing this year is trying to avoid getting hurt. I have played it safe, taken small, calculated risks, mostly about things I don’t care about too much.

I have spent a large proportion of my time this year trying to limit the amount of hurt possible. At the end of last year, I did get hurt – I got hurt in my business. And I have been trying to rebuild things differently, and mostly succeeding, except I haven’t been doing what I’m meant to do.

Fear has distracted me from writing, from planning things I cannot wait to do, from letting go of the things that are getting in the way.

Social media doesn’t distract me – fear does.

Fear tells me that I’m stuck. That I just can’t find the answer. That perhaps there is no answer and I should go and get a job. (Fear knows how to twist the knife, doesn’t it?)

Fear has kept me tweaking projects, refining things that just don’t matter, because to actually try to do something I really want – that will hurt.

Failing at something I wasn’t really that bothered about in the first place is much less painful than even the idea that I might fail at something important.

Also – failure is inevitable. Fear is the one who tells me it’s awful and avoidable, if only I were good enough. Fear tells me that failing means no one will like me and I’ll never be happy again.

Failure is simply part of the landscape – as certain as breathing, sleeping, waking.

So here’s the thing:

This year, for me, has been my life’s lesson in getting back up. The phase I’m in now is how to get beyond survival and into thriving.

Fear has been there every step of the way and, left unchecked, it would keep me stuck and working too hard at things that don’t matter.

And I know that I’ve read articles similar to this one and nodded my head and thought, “Yeah, musn’t let fear get in the way,” while doing everything Fear told me to do. So I know you might do the same, and that’s okay. We can only do it when we can do it.

But in case this hits you at a moment when you’re open to hearing it, I hope you’ll know that failure is part of the programme, and that Fear can’t hold it over us for the rest of time.

I hope you’ll see maybe just one small way that you’re holding yourself back because of Fear.

I hope you’ll know that you’re not alone. That successful, authentic, creative, ambitious people get all caught up in Fear, too.

You don’t have to change a single thing today. You can just notice.

Me? I’m going to start by tipping the balance towards the things that really matter. I can’t wait to fail at them.

Here's the thing: the things we tell ourselves on the scroll

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

You see someone online doing something similar to you. Or something you want to do. You freak out.

You decide they’re doing it wrong or not the way you’d do it, and they’ve already cornered the whole market doing it their way so there’s no room for you.

Maybe you find yourself into a rage about how they’re making a ton of mistakes and screwing people over by charging for something so cheap. Or that they’re undercutting you and can’t possibly be making any money. Or maybe they just don’t have the design skills you do, or the communication skills. Or the experience. Whatever the exact detail is, the situation pisses you off!

Or you decide you could never do it that well. They’ve already done everything possible. They’ve done it better than you, or they’re first to market and that’s all that matters. Maybe they took an idea in a slightly different direction, and it’s your belief that it’s better. Perhaps they seem like they’ve got it all together already – effortless product launch with recommendations and referrals and people shouting about how wonderful they are. You’re not pissed off, exactly. Deflated.

And so you stop. Or you procrastinate. You stop putting your talent and effort and energy into something great. You try to find something else, even though you already have something wonderful, and unique. You tell yourself all kinds of stories about why it can’t happen now, and why it hasn’t worked out, and why you should focus elsewhere.

But ultimately it comes down to this: you’re just afraid.

Our brains are really good at being afraid. And turning up the volume on doubt and fear and just staying nice and safe. Our brains want us to be safe.

My opinion? Social media has such huge potential for connection. But it can also be hugely destructive force, especially where our soft spots and creative fears are concerned.

Here’s the thing:

The first step is always cultivating awareness. When do you tend to get sucked into The Scroll? Is it first thing in the morning? Last thing at night? While you’re waiting to pick the kids up? What time are you trying to fill by scrolling through Facebook or Instagram?

And then there’s being aware of why you get sucked in. Are you trying to find connection online? Are you really getting it? What does scrolling offer you? (Hint: if it’s numbness or distraction from what you really want, it’s time to change.)

These are the first big questions in my upcoming course: Self Care on Social Media for Business Owners.

Because we need your work in the world. And your business deserves great marketing. But if you’re getting stuck in fear and overwhelm and anxiety and just plain old procrastination, we don’t get to buy your products or see your work.

We’re going to tackle the fears that change our behaviours. We’re going to talk about how to live closer to your dreams and your fears. You’re going to get MORE out of social media – and out of LIFE!

I don’t want you to post less or market your business less. What I want is for you to feel confident in why and how you use social media, and what your contribution to the shared space is.

Let’s cultivate awareness, but more than that. Let’s change how you feel and how productive you are.

The course starts on Monday 30th October. Will you join me and other brilliant business owners?

Here's the thing: Abundance

Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.

I know, I know. “Abundance”. It’s a Stephen Covey Americanism. I don’t think I used, thought or wrote the word until long after I read his book several years ago. And I didn’t realise it then, but the idea of abundance has (slowly, gradually) had a really big impact on my beliefs. Cheers, Steve.

So while I appreciate it might feel a bit cheesy, I’m going to ask you to bear with me, because I really believe that abundance – the idea that there’s enough and more for everyone – will have a profound impact on your business.

Money. Customers. Ideas. PR features. Holidays. Food. Friends. Lovers.

There are things we believe we’ll never have enough of, but in our minds, they are in shockingly limited supply. You may worry about some or all of that list above. You might have your own unique additions, but those are broadly the biggies for small businesses and people in general.

We believe that we need money to live – four walls, ceiling, food, tax. We believe that we need customers to give us money (and boy do we worry that there won’t be any customers left for us in six months). We believe that we’ve only got so many ideas inside us, that they’ll run out and then no one will want to work with us.

I’m not about to tell you to stop thinking about how to get more customers, or whether your profit margins are healthy. These are all important things to think about. It’s the way we think about them, and our beliefs about them, that are important.

The opposite of abundance is scarcity. If we believe there aren’t enough customers for everybody, that we’ll lose out, that it can’t be done if we’re not chosen for a homepage feature, then we limit ourselves. We’ll stop seeing the opportunities to find customers, connect with them, be nice to them, because we don’t believe they exist.

I see this in my clients. They’re still in scarcity mode, where they don’t have enough. They’re worried about investing in another staff member or stock. They’re worried they won’t sell enough to justify the cost. And my face says ‘huh?’. They’re serious. They can’t see how much it’s going to benefit them and, honestly, how much it’s going to be fine. When you invest, you step up. You make it work.

When we believe we don’t have any (or enough) money, so we don’t spend any money, so we don’t get any return. We create our own false economies – hey, look, I bought this cheaper version! Oh, wait, it doesn’t work so I have to spend just as much if not more on making it work. Or, I can’t afford to hire someone, so I’ll have to say no to new opportunities.

When you believe in abundance, what you value changes. You see things differently. You see that hiring someone with more experience or enthusiasm gives you more than hiring the person who’ll do it for less.

You see that there are enough customers for everyone. Yes, competition exists and it’s important to think about where you sit in the market, what you offer that others don’t, and all those things. But when you simply focus on connecting with the customers who want your products, rather than the customers who want someone else’s products – that’s when you make meaningful connections and things start to grow.

Here’s the thing:

Fear takes over. A lot. Especially if you’ve been in places that felt truly scarce, where you really didn’t have any money, or a safe place to live, or anyone to call on when you needed help. The recent recession didn’t help, and it certainly doesn’t feel like it’s completely over when you read the headlines these days.

It’s hard to un-remember those times, but they’re just a memory. You did survive them. There’s much more than there was then.

Imagine you’re in a world where everyone has enough, if they choose to see it. There are people who want you to do your thing, successfully. They want your products, your brand, your voice. They see value in what you offer. But you have to give them something so that they can see it.

Believing in abundance is very much connected to your self-esteem. Do you believe you’re worthy of everything you want and need? And that’s not something one blog post can instil in you.

But my parting message is this: believe, just a little bit, that there is more than enough for everyone. Take this little nudge towards being relaxed about buying in more stock than you think you need, or employing someone really good. When you step up your input, it shines through. You’re taking yourself seriously, and so will your customers.

Social media doesn’t distract me – fear does.

So here’s the thing:

Here’s the thing:

Here’s the thing:

Enter The Forge