Here’s the thing: fear is the biggest distraction

I spent Monday in what I would, in previous years, called a daze. I drank tea, I wrote, I read. I made a rather pathetic attempt at writing emails. A lot of the day was spent staring into space.

Sounds productive, huh?

Actually, it was. And like so much of life, the difference between utterly unproductive and deeply clarifying, productive work could not be seen on the outside. Had you seen me, you’d have thought I was wasting a day.

On the inside, it felt like I was synthesising a whole load of ideas, wisdom, thoughts, needs, and wants. Something was shifting, but the only way to allow it to happen was to be quiet and highly unproductive.

By the time I went to bed, a thought had bubbled up from all this contemplation and it said: All you’re doing is trying not to get hurt.

And, reader, it was 100% correct.

All I have been doing this year is trying to avoid getting hurt. I have played it safe, taken small, calculated risks, mostly about things I don’t care about too much.

I have spent a large proportion of my time this year trying to limit the amount of hurt possible. At the end of last year, I did get hurt – I got hurt in my business. And I have been trying to rebuild things differently, and mostly succeeding, except I haven’t been doing what I’m meant to do.

Fear has distracted me from writing, from planning things I cannot wait to do, from letting go of the things that are getting in the way.

Social media doesn’t distract me – fear does.

Fear tells me that I’m stuck. That I just can’t find the answer. That perhaps there is no answer and I should go and get a job. (Fear knows how to twist the knife, doesn’t it?)

Fear has kept me tweaking projects, refining things that just don’t matter, because to actually try to do something I really want – that will hurt.

Failing at something I wasn’t really that bothered about in the first place is much less painful than even the idea that I might fail at something important.

Also – failure is inevitable. Fear is the one who tells me it’s awful and avoidable, if only I were good enough. Fear tells me that failing means no one will like me and I’ll never be happy again.

Failure is simply part of the landscape – as certain as breathing, sleeping, waking.

So here’s the thing:

This year, for me, has been my life’s lesson in getting back up. The phase I’m in now is how to get beyond survival and into thriving.

Fear has been there every step of the way and, left unchecked, it would keep me stuck and working too hard at things that don’t matter.

And I know that I’ve read articles similar to this one and nodded my head and thought, “Yeah, musn’t let fear get in the way,” while doing everything Fear told me to do. So I know you might do the same, and that’s okay. We can only do it when we can do it.

But in case this hits you at a moment when you’re open to hearing it, I hope you’ll know that failure is part of the programme, and that Fear can’t hold it over us for the rest of time.

I hope you’ll see maybe just one small way that you’re holding yourself back because of Fear.

I hope you’ll know that you’re not alone. That successful, authentic, creative, ambitious people get all caught up in Fear, too.

You don’t have to change a single thing today. You can just notice.

Me? I’m going to start by tipping the balance towards the things that really matter. I can’t wait to fail at them.

Book out the next six Friday mornings…

A little later on today, I’ll be welcoming some fabulous business owners to the Self Care on Social Media for Business Owners course platform and opening up the community.

These are the moments when everything starts to come together!

The course doesn’t start properly until Monday, but there’s something lovely about getting familiar with the space you’re going to be spending time in. It’s like a cat padding around the sofa before it sits down.

There’s a seat for you if you’d like to join us

Is this community waiting for you? And are you ready to be part of a change in the way we see social media and its influence on our businesses? I’d love for you to join us.

You’ll need:

  • a hunger to change the way you interact with social media for the better
  • mostly free Fridays from 10am till 12noon (though recordings will be available too)
  • a lovely notebook
  • a printer or PDF viewer
  • an investment of £140+VAT or three payments of £55+VAT

You’ll learn:

  • the unique way I started thinking about social media to help myself and my clients create an authentic voice
  • how to balance the benefits of social media with the challenges and pitfalls
  • how to put together a self care manual for using social media that’s totally unique to you
  • the difference between positive connection and mindless scrolling – and how to get more of the good stuff!

And that’s not to mention six weeks of access to coaching with me on this topic and your business in general, plus lifetime membership to the group and materials. In fact, signing up this time means you’ll be able to take the course again every time I run it in the future. Because things change and we need to refresh ourselves.

My passion and purpose

I created this course for one reason in particular: I know that so many amazing, talented, hard-working business owners are losing themselves in an endless scroll of comparison, distraction, and insecurity.

Had I a magic wand, I’d wave it and wish you all that time and energy back so that you could put it back into your business and experience far more success and joy. I’d get you out of your own way (because boy do I know what that’s like!).

In lieu of a magic wand, I created this course. It’s one of the closest things to magic that I know how to do, and I really, really want you to benefit from it.

Throughout the course, you’ll be able to:

  • examine your own use of different social media platforms
  • identify what works for you and what doesn’t
  • get excited about different ways of viewing the platforms you love
  • download worksheets
  • read articles
  • watch videos, including bonus interviews with people I love
  • ask questions and tap into my 9+ years of working with small creative businesses

Not just a pretty face

I’m talking about Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, of course! Well, and you and me.

Social media isn’t just about a great photo or reaching a “perfect” standard of content. It’s about connection, resonance, and meeting people where they are.

The impact of a strong relationship with social media isn’t to be underestimated, and it’s my firm belief that your investment of time, energy and money in this course will pay off within months, if not weeks, of completing the course.

Get stationery shopping!

I could talk for hours about the benefits of the course, and I hope if there’s anything you’re not sure about by now, you’ll get in touch and let me know.

If it’s for you, please do go ahead and sign up before Monday morning, and then grab a lovely notebook so that you’re ready to start.

If this isn’t for you, thanks for reading this far and supporting my work! I hope we’ll find something else to connect with soon.

Enthusiastically,
Jenny x

Breaking the downward spiral – and creating an upward cycle instead

There’s a theme that comes up regularly when I’m talking to clients, whether it’s a one-to-one conversation, or in my group coaching programme, or on retreats.

It’s the dilemma of shifting the flow from a vaguely (and sometimes worrying) downward spiral – low sales, low motivation, low energy – to a positive, regenerative, profitable cycle of business.

We often get stuck on the hamster wheel. We’re overworked, underpaid, with too much to do, which means we don’t have the energy or resources to make a change. We tell ourselves we have to keep going, but not much is working and we seem to be more defeated, further behind, less successful every time we check.

This is a place of short-term, of scarcity, and of fear. It doesn’t tend to generate orders or new ideas or clear focus for what to do next. It can feel like we’re trapped. We certainly aren’t sure if our business will survive when we’re in this place.

Because orders are low, we’re risk averse. We don’t want to invest in new products or in support that could help get us out of this downward spiral, in case we can’t afford it. In case it doesn’t help.

In this place, it’s almost impossible to shorten the to-do list or discover a place of clarity. Everything could be the answer; nothing is definitely the answer.

We can wind up sleepless, doubtful, stressed, anxious, and with no idea how we even got there.

Nerves fray. Tempers rise. Moods darken.

Downward spiral.

The other place (I feel a bit The Good Place, but that’s another story…). The other place, is generative. Everything you do adds to your business. That product you invest in makes money, creating the next wave of investment.

With the wind at your back, it’s easy to keep up momentum – it’s easier to retain customers than find and engage new ones. Each good day allows you to feel better about the next day. You can take the positive results of yesterday, believe in yourself, and put your energy behind your next (brilliant) idea.

It doesn’t matter which item you check off your to-do list next, because they’re all good ideas, making great strides in your business. They’re all going to pay off.

Asking for support feels like a choice you can make when you’re ready, and you can even indulge yourself by asking for exactly what you need, in the perfect timeframe and with just the right person. You can afford to invest in getting the right support for your business, and you get to choose how and when you do.

Any fear is quickly taken care of by a straightforward and achievable solution. You might wonder about it for a couple of days, but then you’re ready to solve it.

This is kind of what people imagine about being on the right side of a mysterious algorithm: the more you sell, the higher you appear, the more you sell, and so on.

This is the upward spiral.

The truth is we’re usually moving between these two directions at any given moment. Neither is 100% realistic or true.

We’re never running into the ground as quickly as we think. And the world isn’t as charmed as we imagine others experience it to be. Worry-free business? Rare. Like unicorn rare.

But there is some truth in it. Partly because that first situation I described is when we’re stuck in the short-term (and fear), and not focused enough on the long-term.

We can achieve more in the long-term than we imagine. But to do so we have to break the cycle of constantly focusing on the couple of weeks in front of us and make a plan that gets us to where we really want to be.

I’ll say this: when you have a long-term plan and are working towards it, it’s much easier to be in the present moment and enjoy your work and life. That’s not the same as being stuck in the short-term. Let’s not confuse the calm, clarity and connection of presence with the urgency, scarcity of short-term thinking.

In fact, presence can be one of the ways out of short-term thinking. Presence can get us focused on one thing at a time, rather than tripping up over ourselves to answer emails while creating a bestseller and writing a wholesale pitch and trying to post something brilliant on Facebook.

Presence is the first step to stop the hamster wheel of short-term thinking.

Step 1: Give yourself presence.

The first thing I recommend is to pause. Be present in this moment. Notice where you are. Are you in the hamster wheel, on the downward spiral? Are you on a positive cycle? Are you somewhere in between? Find yourself on the spectrum.

Step 2: Remember this piece of therapy wisdom:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

In other words, if you want things to change, you have to change them. If you’re not getting the results you want from the actions you’re taking, it’s time to change the actions.

Step 3: Get clear.

Before you make a change, make sure you’re really clear on the results you want. What do you actually want to change? How do you want to feel? What do you want to be true?

Meditate, visualise, take yourself to a coffee shop or a quiet place, and write it all down. Let yourself be really honest about what you actually want, what success would actually feel like and look like.

Maybe you want a certain turnover figure. Maybe you want to get sales from a specific place or type of customer.

Maybe you want to have more time with the kids. Maybe you’d like to venture into speaking at events or being invited to guest post on someone’s blog.

Be as specific and clear as you can. Let it simmer.

Step 4: Be really honest.

Throw out anything that isn’t getting you closer to those dreams.

The free work you’re doing, when you’re not even making enough money to cover your expenses? Out.

The constant development of products you don’t love because it’s kind of fitting the bill right now? Stop.

The need for perfection that holds you back from getting the good work done? Hold it right there.

You know. Deep down, you know what’s holding you back, but you have to see it. You have to see how you’ve been getting in your own way or not seeing the problem clearly enough.

Maybe you’re building sales up to a new level, but you don’t know how yet. Be really honest about the skills you need, the things you need to learn, the way you want to get there. How you get there is as important as getting there.

Maybe you feeling like you’re trying to learn, but nothing’s coming together yet. If you genuinely haven’t learnt anything in the time you’ve been trying, it’s time to try in a different way. Channel your inner Hermione. Make a learning chart. Give yourself gold stars.

Step 5: Give yourself enough time.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. If you’re trying to shift gears, you need to give yourself time to learn, to change, to see results. Be generous with it. Stop thinking short-term, and give yourself longer deadlines, broken down into really, truly, genuinely bite-sized chunks. You’re human. It’s time to stop hoping you’re a unicorn.

And a bonus step: Remind yourself daily what you’re working towards.

Give yourself gold stars for even showing up. Reward each tiny piece of progress. Get yourself a buddy and cheer each other on. Hire a coach or assistant who’ll help keep you motivated and accountable.

Put up your goals on the wall. Remind yourself that you’re doing things differently. And it takes time.

Change your perspective on this. Set yourself free from the hamster wheel. Give yourself the gift of long-term success.

This feels a bit soap-boxy but I know that these things change the course of a business, because I’ve seen it happen. I’ve done it myself, in my own business.

Have a question or need some support? Get in touch. I would 100% love to hear from you.

Now good luck. I’m cheering you on.

Jenny x

PS Interested in getting regular encouragement and cheerleading and motivation and structure? Consider joining Progress not Perfection, my group coaching programme.

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Enter The Forge

Life's too damn short to chase someone else's definition of success. I'm here to give you the courage and tools to forge your own path.