Blog - Page 62 of 75

My first retreat

I find Cliff House quite easily. I’d been studying the map for weeks (probably months) and felt like I knew all the landmarks by heart. I pull in, and it feels like the clouds part.

I get out of the car, and let myself into this beautiful Victorian house, which is – fortunately – everything I had hoped for. I walk through the hallway, into the dining room and through to the kitchen. It’s in there that I do a little jump up and down, starting to feel the bubbles of excitement for what this weekend is going to be.

My sister arrives shortly afterwards, which ramps up the excitement. She and Ross are almost as amazed as I am that this is our home for the next few days.

We walk round everywhere, getting lost and confused a few times. Holly and Lara arrive, and after that, guests arrive in fits and starts. Every time someone new arrives, I feel the excitement all over again.

There are introductions, squeals, hugs, so much chatter. As evening comes in, there’s Prosecco, and then dinner is served. The food is good. The wine is good. Both are better than I had hoped.

Everything’s pretty smooth so far, but I’m nervous for the next bit. For the opening ceremony. This is where I show them what it’s going to be like, here on this retreat. I’m going to introduce some concepts, and I’m going to lead a meditation. Are they going to go for it? Will I be able to calm my nerves to do it?

And there are some hesitations, but everyone sinks into this new way of being – a different kind of workspace.

We start to relax in a way we haven’t in a long time.

Every moment starts to get longer, and suddenly it feels like we have so much time.

***

I’ve been trying to find some words to explain what the retreat was like, for me and for my guests. It’s taken a while (unusual for me – I like the words). The retreat weekend was more than words, more than output, more than problem-solving.

It was a feeling.

Last week, I looked back through my notes of how I wanted guests to feel at the end of the retreat, and my notes say: seen and heard, supported, allowed to thrive, nourished, clear, well rested.

Yes, that’s what I wanted. And that’s what happened.

It’s easy to forget that being well rested, really relaxing and letting go of the brain clutter, can allow you to open up to new ideas, to what you really want. That’s what we did.

And on Saturday afternoon, as guests were going for massages and making moodboards, it felt like we’d been there a week. We’d been there 24 hours.

The messages I’ve received then and since have been wonderful, tear-inducing things. I know that the retreat made a difference to everyone who came, and it’s amazing seeing how much people have achieved in just over a week since they got home! That’s what clarity does, I guess.

But it’s also changed how I’m looking at my business. This is the work I really want to do – working with small business owners holistically, talking to them as people as well as businesses. Not just at retreats, perhaps, but acknowledging what we believe and how we feel as people can drastically effect our work as businesses.

Yes to that. And yes to more of this work for me.

Here's the thing: how to stop financial over-worrying

Worrying about finances – do I have enough? how do I get more? how do I spend less? – is the sort of thing that keeps us awake at 3am, tossing and turning, imagining all the wonderful new ways we’re going to make money to that we can be safe.

In the 21st century, money and having enough taps into our survival instinct as human beings. We know that this is the equivalent of have a safe and secure cave. We use money to buy food and the fundamental things we need to live. So of course, that ultimate survival part of our brain worries about it.

Here’s something I’ve noticed: yes, there’s a need to plan finances and be responsible. But there’s also a need to change the way we view money in our small businesses (so linked to putting bread on the table tomorrow).

When we believe that there fundamentally isn’t enough money for us to have everything we need, and perhaps some things we want, we stress ourselves out and, somehow, make that come true.

We get caught up in doubt about our product or service offering. Perhaps we over-invest in ideas because we need something to work, not realising that we could have just invested fully in one idea that would come through. The worry about having enough means we rush products to market before they’re ready, and then we have a lower return on investment.

Here’s the thing

I wanted to share a few pointers on being happier with your finances. These aren’t the sorts of things your accountant is going to tell you, but they make a big difference to me.

Connect with the reality of your finances regularly – every day if possible. Whether that means looking at your bank balance or your accounting software, or your own spreadsheet, take a moment each day or every other day to get a good realistic look at what you’ve got right now. Having a firm grasp on reality helps us make good decisions.

Change the story you tell yourself about money. Consciously move from ‘Oh help, that’s not enough. I’m not doing very well. I’m going to struggle to get by’ to ‘That’s less than I would like, but it’s plenty to see me through right now. I’ve got plenty of potential, and I’m determined to prioritise the things I really need and want.’ Once you start thinking differently, the worry doesn’t take over as easily.

Make sure that you’re working towards long term abundance. If you know you’re working on projects you’re proud of, are high quality, and have good commercial potential, lower bank balances become bearable. You can start to see them more as blips in the grand scheme of things. You’re investing time and energy wisely, choosing projects carefully, and not just blindly following every single idea or opportunity that comes your way. You’re chipping away at the immense amount of free marketing tools we have these days to promote existing products or services, and you’re building a business slowly (because it is a slow process). This will also help you feel like you’re investing the money you do have wisely.

Feel grateful for the money, work, stuff and opportunities you do have. I honestly believe this works to help you attract more money/work, and to help the gremlins at 3am be quiet. Practice writing down or saying out loud what you’re grateful for. If your home is secure, be grateful for it. If you get some sales, love those customers, and be grateful they’re there. If you have a wardrobe full of clothes you love, be grateful that you can keep wearing them. And be grateful for any windfalls that come your way. Any little ways you find to save money, or a fiver you find in the sofa. Be grateful for the little things when they pop up.

Okay, so it’s not a watertight plan to make you a millionaire by the end of the year. But in this world of freelance work and no steady income, it can certainly help you to find solid ground and feel better about where you are. In my own life and business, I’m incredibly grateful for what I have, and for every single person who decides my work is worth their hard-earned cash.

Happy (and abundant) Friday!

Here's the thing: being your best self

Tell me if this message feels familiar:

“Be yourself, be unique, be original, but only if it looks good on Pinterest and Instagram, and is hand-drawn, organic, on-trend, entirely creative. Oh, and perfect.”

I feel like that’s the message we’re given all the time. Full of pressure, uncertainty, subtlety we don’t understand, and rules we can’t follow. That first bit about being ourselves sounds great, right? We want to be ourselves. We are unique and original, and we want to show it! And we want it to matter.

But recently I’ve been feeling the pull of that elusive thing about being cool, about fitting in, about following the trend-setter rules. And I know you feel them too, those implicit hidden agendas.

As Brene Brown (my fave) says, “fitting in” gets in the way of real belonging. We all know how to hustle for approval, for the sense of belonging we crave. We know how to tweak and adapt and change who we are, what we say, what we like, so that people will like us.

And sometimes, we get caught up in hustling in our business lives as well as our personal lives. (When we’re our own boss, our business and personal lives are so interlinked. And that’s okay, we just need to be aware of it.)

So, how do we make sure we’re being truly authentic, whilst also being our best selves (and our best businesses)?

Let go of perfection. No one is perfect. Everyone has their own blend of creativity, of things they like and dislike, of things they’re good at and not so good at. All your imperfections are okay, right now, even if you haven’t made a sale today, or haven’t lost the weight yet, or whatever your “not good enough” thing is.

Decide what your quality markers are. This is where we get to hold ourselves accountable to the standards we believe in. How do you tell that something’s ready to be put out in the world? (And yes, sometimes it’s a wing and a prayer sort of situation…) For me, I know a blog is right when it speaks from the heart, when I have a piece of truth I want to tell. I don’t worry about whether it is exactly what everyone needs to hear. I’ve stopped worrying that I’m the only one who’s imperfect. I know that truth-telling is essential to me.

You might decide a certain quality level of photo is essential for you, so as long as you’ve got that, you’re good to go, even if you don’t have a witty caption, or a relevant link. You might decide that the spirit of the thing is more important than composition — or the other way around. Reflect what’s important to you.

Check your motivation. If you’re designing something, posting something, saying something, in order to “fit in” or look cool, question yourself. Is this really what you want to be putting out in the world? Do you want to be succumbing to peer pressure, to the unspoken rules that no one understands? Are you looking for validation from people? Ask for feedback from trusted supporters, by all means, but don’t ask Facebook to validate your decisions for you. Only you can do that.

Do you really like pastels, or are you just picking up a trend that other people like? Are you a hand-drawn brand, or is that just what’s cool right now?

Don’t be afraid to claim what you love. Even if everyone else in the world loves it too. Even if it’s featured on A Beautiful Mess. If you love it, you get to talk about it too. How often to we shy away from things because we feel like it’s been done before? And sometimes we try to say ‘Me too’ a little too urgently, in case our opportunity to have what we love slips away. In case there isn’t enough for us too. Believe you can have it, and quietly, patiently, claim it in your own way.

Consider this:

“If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.”

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.

Last week, I had a big realisation that, for me, it’s about substance over style. I don’t want to look good without also being good. It was a big ‘aha!’ moment for me, and it came out of planning for my retreat. I had a wobble about whether I had good enough goody bag, whether it was big enough, glamorous enough. But the thing is, the retreat isn’t about glossy magazines or going home with lots of swag. It’s about getting good rest, and good business decisions. Way more substance than style. (It’ll still look good, but I’m not about giving people superficial. It’s got to be real to be meaningful for me.)

So I hope this is helpful and gives you some ideas on how to be your best, authentic self as you put your ideas and designs out in the world.

Have a great weekend!

Here’s the thing

“If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.”

Notes of Encouragement