Jenny Pace, Author at Jenny Pace

Comparison and recovery: a reminder for the new year

In the last couple of weeks, there’s been a theme to my client calls. I’m going to call it The Late January Blues. Perhaps you know it?

We’ve all rushed into the year, full of hope and possibility, and then we’ve hit a wall. And, in the world of small business, where the Christmas season can really take it out of you, hitting the wall looks like two things:

You’re looking around at “everyone else” and seeing unprecedented success and unwavering energy for new projects. And, of course, you then imagine yourself as coming up lacking.
You just can’t get motivated. You know there’s loads to do. You’ve got big vision for 2016 and your business, but you’re finding it hard to get out of bed.

These are the things plaguing my clients at the moment. So, I want to revisit two key business practices that will keep you sane. They are Comparison Combat and Self-Care Of The Highest Order.

Self-Care Of The Highest Order

If you’re a gift-based business, likelihood is you had to work pretty hard in the run up to Christmas. And I want to be really clear about my definition of “working hard”: it’s not about working to 150% capacity or even hitting 14 hour days. There is no blanket one-size-fits-all definition of working hard that applies to everyone. If you worked a lot, worked hard, juggled work and family commitments, worked hard in an emotional capacity, worked hard at worrying about working hard, then you’re in the club.

You’re the only one who can decide whether or not you worked hard. It’s your own standard to create. But please don’t make “working hard” something that other people say it is. Don’t make it about 14 hour days and working in your sleep and resulting in 10,000 sales a day. Sometimes, I work hard and only work 4 hours a day. But I still work hard.

So, let’s say you worked hard. And then you had a few days off between Christmas and New Year. You spent time with family and friends (not always restful) and it was nice to not be working. Now, the truth is, for the majority of people I’ve spoken to of late, that was not enough rest to replenish your energy and enthusiasm.

And this is the economics of self-care: sometimes we have to rest FIRST in order to work hard later, especially if we’ve been running an energy deficit.

If you’re feeling unmotivated, or like you’re hating your business, or you start resenting the orders that do come in (while simultaneously worrying about money coming in), you need restoration. You need pure, unadulterated time off. You need to re-engage with the things you’re passionate about. You have my unconditional permission to take a day (or a week) off to take baths, read for pleasure, take slow-paced walks, avoid the washing up, write all your thoughts in a journal and nurture yourself. This isn’t catch-up-on-housework time. It isn’t “I could box up all that stuff for the charity shop and landscape the garden and bake 10,000 cakes” time. If you are worn out, you need the purity of self-care.

As a client told me last week, taking a day off (at my suggestion) on Friday made her Wednesday and Thursday more productive so that she could really relax at the end of the week. Taking the Friday off allowed her time to herself, without family commitments, to get back on track. I highly recommend it.

Comparison Combat

Unlike self-care, Comparison Combat is a more active practice! Self-care is often gentle and nurturing. Comparison Combat requires discipline. It’s still loving and ultimately nurturing, but because comparison comes from a fear-based place, it needs a firm hand, and it needs regular exercise to move away from it.

A quick reminder of comparison: checking Facebook, becoming obsessed with what other people are doing, seeing Instagram as an accurate representation of perfect homes and lives and businesses.

For me, it doesn’t just manifest as comparison to similar people or businesses. I can also get caught up in imagining what clients and potential clients want from me, rather than what I want to offer. Yes, of course I like to think about what would be most helpful to me clients. But it can also be a huge distraction, because people want and need a whole load of stuff that I’m not in a position to offer, either because I’m not qualified or not inclined.

When I get stuck in a spiral of doom (my original name for the comparison trap), the only way out is for me to shut it down. To switch off, log out, go for a walk, do whatever it takes to bring myself back to what I care about and what I’m focused on. A little check-out to then check back in.

So, what do you need?

Ah, my friends. What do you need? Self-care? Comparison Combat? Both?

Take a deep breath, maybe a piece of paper and pen. Reflect on what you might be feeling at the beginning of February. Have you been unconsciously unmotivated and blaming it on something other than burnout and over-working? Have you been caught in comparison, rather than focusing on your aims for the year?

A wonderful question from Tara Mohr: Are you being more faithful to your dreams or your fears?

Then, what needs to change?

Do you need more rest, more sleep, more free time?

Do you need to re-focus on your dreams?

What do you need to feel good?

How could you combat comparison in your day-to-day life?

I can’t wait to hear. I can’t wait to see you thrive.

Guest post: Betsy Benn on "networking" (and the antidote)

Betsy Benn is designer, director and The Boss at Betsy Benn Designs and Luna Studio Designs. Having started Betsy Benn in 2010, she’s seen rapid growth and all it brings with it. She’s also a long-time, tip-top client and retreat guest of mine.

In this post she shares all her experiences of networking, and suggests a delightful antidote.

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Have you ever been to one of those local business networking events because next door but one’s cousin went to one once and made loads of contacts and became a quadruple trillionaire overnight? You know the ones. Held in a beige, somewhat dog-eared hotel that seems to be having a chair shortage. Every third person is an accountant or a dog walker and the tea might be free but it’s also weak and the early birds got all the chocolate digestives?

I have. In fact I’ve probably stumbled through at least three more than I should’ve bothered with. I obviously kept expecting Richard Branson to show up or something, but without fail, across the whole range of business types I met, everyone was clearly pitching for business and immediately too. They wanted to do my accounts, bake cakes for the office every Friday or get me to place ads in their appallingly type set local directory. No one seemed to want to make contact just for the sake of knowing other local small business owners for the supportive shared experience of it all!

By far the most painful part of the whole process though was that inevitable question, “So what do you do then?” Oh how I hate that question! I know I should have an “elevator pitch” ready to go and I sort of do now, but how do you explain all the intricacies of being a professional small creative?

Passing over the idea of making up something ludicrous (topless motorcycle courier?) I reply with “I run my own design business” which of course brings follow up questions about what I design. “Personalised prints and greetings cards mostly” say I. And then the glazed look comes across my companion as they start imagining me sitting in my kitchen at nights, wonkily sticking mini bows and cut out shapes on a marbled card with scalloped edge and flogging them in hospital gift shops. They literally have no idea of where we started and what we’ve been through and how we keep going day after day and to be honest, I haven’t got the energy to explain it to them anymore.

Now stop laughing and nodding! Design for yourself the antithesis of everything I have described. A beautiful, bright welcoming space, full of pillowy sofas. An endless supply of drinks and biscuits and nibbles of all varieties whenever you fancy. And a room full to the brim of clever creative sorts, just like you, who know and appreciate exactly the world you’re in. They might have a different experience to you, but they’re eager to hear about your experience and once you all start chatting, magic starts to crackle in the air. An idea from here, a suggestion there, new thoughts, new energy, new directions, you can’t write it all down quickly enough. No-one wants you to buy anything from them! And when we touch upon the darker, harder moments we all face (possibly over a glass of wine or two), you see recognition and compassion in everyone’s faces. They just, get it.

Doing what we do can be a very isolating experience, partly because our business model is still very new out there. I can’t overemphasize the value I found in being able to spend time with other professional creatives. Time I could dedicate to just thinking about my business without simultaneously having to keep hold of every other job title; wife, mother, daughter, friend, boss and yes, even accountant and dog walker. Utter bliss.

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If you need what Betsy needed, check out my upcoming retreats.

Bloom: my word for 2016

Can you believe it’s 2016 already? In fact, can you believe it’s the 20th January? Crikey!

For the past three years, inspired by Susannah Conway and close friends, I’ve chosen a word for the year. A word to help guide me as I move through the year. In 2013, it was “let go”. In 2014, I chose “trust”. Last year, I decided on “care”. This year, it’s “bloom”.

When I look back at those words, I can see how I started with letting go of old beliefs and things that held me back, moved on to trusting myself and the universe as I started to dream of and create a new life and business for myself.

And of course this feels like a wonderful opportunity to check in with how care influenced last year for me. Having created a new home, a new business, started a new relationship in 2014, I was ready for some care in 2015. I was ready to care for myself, for my home, and for my clients. I was ready to explore what I needed to feel cared for. I also wanted to feel free to care about whatever I cared about – to follow my heart’s lead, rather than the things I “should” care about.

It worked! And it all unfolded in ways I couldn’t have predicted. I invested more in the yoga I love in order to care for my body. I threw myself into the work I love, and allowed myself to care about creating a really beautiful, nourishing retreat. I re-discovered how much I love to work with small businesses, with women, with like-minded folk.

And, at the end of the year, I’m not really done with care. There are ways in which I haven’t yet cared for myself. I’m still working on them. Care, like trust and letting go, has weaved its way into my values and thought processes. Which I thoroughly recommend, by the way. Caring for myself has led to better care of my partner, my home, my clients and my business. Check out last year’s Pinterest board if you’re looking for inspiration on how to invite in more care.

So what can I tell you about bloom?

It feels exciting. It feels expansive. It feels beautiful and feminine and gentle – and yet powerful.

In a session with my coach, Rachel, she suggested limitless as a potential word for 2016. Well, that was terrifying. But I knew what she was getting at: I’ve created this business, I’ve laid down the roots, and now I’m ready to take it to the next level, to expand in all kinds of ways I can’t even predict yet.

I can’t remember exactly where bloom came into my awareness, but I’m so glad it did! All that growth and expansion, but with real beauty and gentleness.

I love that it’s impossible to bloom without roots and nourishment.

I love the idea of blooming into a full expression of myself.

There are delicious quotes about blooming:

“Bloom where you are planted.”

“Happiness blooms from within.”

“She was learning to silence the noise and reawaken her own bright bloom.” (Kelly Rae Roberts) (And I do love a word that’s a verb and a noun…)

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”

“Nothing in nature blooms all year – be patient with yourself.”

Don’t they feel hopeful? In fact, don’t they feel full of live in general? To feel alive, that’s what bloom feels like to me.

Of course, I started a Pinterest board for this year, too. I’ll keep adding to it throughout the year as I discover more about what bloom means for me. I can’t wait!

And what about you?

Do you have a word for the year? Have you chosen one before? Is there something you’re ready to invite in to your life and business? Do you fancy joining me in blooming?

I’d love to hear!

And what about you?

Notes of Encouragement