self care Archives - Page 6 of 7

Here's the thing: in favour of the truth

Recently, I popped a new logo up on my website. I really love it! And it got me thinking about the three words I’ve chosen to appear below my name: mentor, writer, and advocate.

I have so much to say about each one, but the one I’ve been pondering on in relation to this post is advocate.

I advocate for small businesses. I believe in them. I believe small is beautiful, and that small business has a unique opportunity to make a difference in the world. Don’t believe me? Note the unrest at Etsy about the pending Handmade at Amazon. Big corporates are now fighting over small business. Because they know they can’t replicate it.

So advocating for small businesses is cool, but I realised recently that I advocate for something more specific than that. I’m really an advocate for the emotional, mental and physical health of small businesses. I want to bust open myths of needing to be super productive, super organised, good at everything and otherwise perfect.

I want to encourage and allow you to be all that you are – and know that that is enough.

I want to be a beacon of light, letting you know that you’re not alone.

As a mentor, working one-on-one with talented entrepreneurs and designers and makers and plenty of people who don’t know how to describe themselves, I hear the truth. I don’t always hear all of the truth, because we all struggle with it. But I hear more of the truth then others do.

I hear the stories of struggle. I hear the cash flow challenges, the staff issues, the crises of confidence. I hear about the family health issues and personality clashes that take over working days. I hear the stories of day jobs that are soul-sucking.

I’ve heard so many of these stories that I can tell you everyone has them. No one is walking a smooth road, at least not in every aspect of their lives. That’s not what we’re here to do! We’re here to struggle and learn and get better.

And what I’m interested in at the moment is talking about the struggles.

We don’t openly talk about every struggle we go through, certainly not publicly, and that’s right. But while we’re worrying about coming across as negative, we’re bottling up a whole load of feelings and experiences that are affecting us. The longer we bottle them up, the more likely they are to come out in a big long stream of negativity.

I don’t want to encourage wallowing in negativity – far from it. I know there are plenty of negativity-breeding forums and places on the internet that aren’t productive.

But here’s the thing:

Acknowledging your feelings is productive.

Acknowledging that you’re struggling or worrying or feeling alone is vital. And it usually includes telling someone in order to fully acknowledge it.

It doesn’t have to be your business Facebook page. It doesn’t have to be a lot of people. I recommend that it’s not anyone you don’t trust.

Share your feelings with a person or small group who will:

see your struggles for what they are
acknowledge your feelings and sit with you in them
avoid trying to “fix” the problem immediately
keep it confidential
maintain trust with you, now and in the future

I know people, personally and professionally, who have a lot of struggle, but who shy away from sharing it because they don’t want to come across as negative or needy or failures.

And the thing is, they’re robbing themselves of getting the help and support they need. They’re shying away from admitting there’s a problem that needs attention. They’re keeping themselves small.

Women too often get labelled as “dramatic” or “needy” or “whiny” – which isn’t the case at all! And god forbid a man shows feelings that might be construed as weak or not having it all together.

Having feelings is not dramatic or weak. Bottling them up for too long so they come out as a huge long stream of unsolvable problems is unproductive and, in my opinion, unprofessional. When we dismiss feelings, shrug them off, try to pretend there isn’t a problem, we’re letting them take over. Which isn’t a great way to run a business or live a life.

Rather than trying to squash them, share them with people you trust. Rather than try to fix it with wine or chocolate or a bath, write down how you’re feeling. Get curious about what you’re feeling. Get down to the crux of it. Don’t censor yourself while you’re letting it out. Just let it be.

This is the step so many of us skip, for fear of being crazy or dramatic or weak. This is the step that allows us to actually process feelings, so that we can move past them. This is the part that makes us feel alone.

Please allow your feelings.

Please share them.

You know where I am if you don’t have another trusting place to share them.

PS My Small Creative Business Retreat 2016 is now open for booking! Now there’s a place you can be yourself…

Here's the thing: making lives better

I work with a lot of people who make and sell products intended to make people’s lives better. Not in a ‘this piece of technology will change your life’ way, but in a ‘this will bring you happiness, connection and joy’ way.

I’m proud to work with people who make these kinds of products. Making lives better is a core value and intention of mine, so I feel good about it.

I’m proud to work with designers and makers who think about what people are going to enjoy and get out of, say, a new print or candlestick or photo album.

I’m proud to work with people who are innovative in creating heart-led products, like Gabrielle’s Date Jars, which are designed to encourage more quality time with your partner.

As small businesses, we’re positioned beautifully to make a difference in people’s lives. Yes, big corporations make big differences (and sometimes bigger differences), but I believe small businesses can make it more meaningful.

You can brighten someone’s day with a kind word, a lovely product, a well-placed thank you.

You can help people to express themselves with a product you’ve made.

You can process an order quickly (and thoughtfully) for an auntie who’s left it late to buy her niece a birthday present. (Thanks Twinkle Shimmer Shine!)

As I write, I wonder whether it would be helpful for you to reflect on how your products and your business make people’s lives better? I wonder whether it’s worth sense-checking your understanding of the meaning and the quality of your products?

Because I see a lot of things that don’t hold much meaning, and I find it draining. That quick-sell, put-an-initial-on-it giftware that will sell because it’s a gift, but will the recipient really love it in the end? Or is it just a stocking filler to be thrown away on Boxing Day?

You can make people’s lives better with thoughtful, high-quality products. Go for the heart.

(Note: I know there will be people reading who will now worry that I’m talking about their products, and worrying that they’re not meaningful. I think the fact you’re even worrying about that means you’re probably okay!)

Here’s the thing:

You have an opportunity to make people’s lives better, to make your own life better. I believe you can do this through creating products that spark joy, that have meaning, that say something – even if it’s quiet and small.

Among all the ‘do this’, ‘commercially viable’, ‘latest trend’ advice out there, I need to tell you that it might be as simple as asking yourself these back-to-basics questions:

Does this product feel really good?
What would make it feel even better?
Who is going to feel really good about this product?
How is my life improved by this product? (That’s a question for what you buy as well as what you sell)

I know we’re heading into the busiest time of the year, and this is a fairly big theme to consider when you’re quite possibly very busy. My hope is that you’ll see Christmas as an opportunity to make lives better, and that you’ll also think about making your own life better over the coming weeks.

PS I’ll be opening up Progress, not perfection next week for another year of supportive, encouraging emails for this Christmas season. Get a sneak peek here.

Here's the thing: you're so worth it

Last Friday, I ran a day retreat for some of the women who came to the Small Creative Business Retreat in March. It was a brilliant day of catching up, meditating and talking about looking after ourselves. It reminded me that we need reminding, often, of what we deserve.

This blog is dedicated to the women who came on Friday, and to anyone else who needs to hear it.

***

You’re worth a delicious breakfast.

You’re worth calling it a day and going to bed before 10pm.

You’re worth the effort it takes to drink a glass of water for every caffeinated drink you enjoy.

You’re worth three deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed, or like you can’t make a decision, or when everyone wants your attention.

You’re worth a new pair of cosy (even cashmere) socks.

You’re worth a walk in the park, or just a bit of fresh air every day.

You’re worthy of connection with people who really get you, whom you can really trust.

You’re worth the time, effort and expense it takes to really care for yourself.

You deserve whatever it is that will really serve you, will really allow you to do your best work and feel good about it.

You deserve a massage, or just half an hour by yourself in a darkened room, if it will allow you some form of release.

You deserve a delicious meal, cooked by someone else, with no washing up – if that’s what will feed you.

You deserve to be at the top of the list, especially your own. Only you can put yourself there.

You deserve to take time off – even when you’re not making money or getting everything on your list done.

You deserve the praise and acknowledgement for showing up, every day. For keeping going, any way you can. For getting this far.

So here it is:

I see you. I see how much you’re trying, how much you’re putting into this. I see how hard it is, how much it challenges you. I see how you’re doing great, despite the million ways it could all fall apart.

You know what I see? I see anyone keeping it together, even if it’s by the skin of their teeth, I see that as winning, as success.

And even if you feel like you’re falling apart, I know that you’re doing better than you think.

This week, get the care and support you deserve, especially from yourself.

PS Booking for my 2016 retreat will open up really soon. So if you’re feeling like the well of worthiness needs filling up with more than just a blog post, keep your eyes peeled.

But here’s the thing:

Here’s the thing:

Enter The Forge