intuitive business

Here’s the thing: "too tired" won’t be an excuse anymore (but it’s not what you think)

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote this post about tiredness, and it’s resonated widely. I’m glad. Let’s keep the conversation going.

Last week, I had a pretty full-on week. Travel to and visiting Harrogate Home & Gift, running an open day at Copper Boom Studio, my usual client calls, plus my husband’s (big) birthday and lots of social events. By the end of the week, my brain and emotional resilience were fairly wiped out!

All those things were important to do. And sometimes timing means that several things come at once. (I know the mum bosses currently dealing with school holidays will agree…)

The only thing that’s helped me get back on track is sleep, quiet time and unstructured time. 

Caffeine won’t cut it. Sugaring up doesn’t improve my mood or my cognitive abilities. And even the most brilliant conversations with my most treasured friends don’t get me back on track.

It has to be rest.

It has to be quiet, cosy introversion.

It has to be coming back to myself.

And as I lie on the sofa watching The West Wing, I realise something: “too tired” is no longer an excuse I’ll use. It’s not something I’ll say.

And that’s not because I’ll be pushing through or hustling hard. It’s because I’ll be sleeping, resting, meditating, and generally taking care of myself.

I’m no longer prepared to burn out. I’m no longer willing to sacrifice my own health and wellbeing, when all burnout and overtired does is lessen my ability to do my job(s) to the standard I expect of myself.

Tired is the signal to rest. I welcome it with open arms, a nice blanket, and some time to myself.

Tired is a friend.

Here’s the thing

We’re told to hustle. We’re told the only way to succeed is through hard work and more work.

We see the ideals of “work smarter not harder” and we think that’s nice for other people, but there’s no way I can do it too. I’ve got too much on.

We hold up “tired” like we hold up “busy” – as evidence of our worthiness. As what’s expected of us by society. The acceptance we need from friends and family.

Tired isn’t your modus operandi. Tired isn’t a problem. It’s information. It’s instruction: REST. Take time out. You’re running low.

Imagine if you bank sent you a message every time you get low on cash. Or that instinctive thing where you know whether you’re low on milk or tea because you have to. That’s what tired is. It’s the signal to replenish the supply.

My suggestions, if you need them, are:

  1. Notice what your thoughts are when you’re low on energy. Are you telling yourself they should be different? That you can push through? Just notice the response you have to your body and mind’s requests for rest.
  2. Give yourself some unstructured personal time. Yes, this can seem like a dream if you have kids. No, it’s not impossible. Watch a film. Read a book. Nap. Lie around. You probably need it more than you think.
  3. Give yourself permission to change your carefully bullet-journalled work plan when you’re tired. Join me in modelling a different way of working to staff and kids and partners by resting when you need to and working when you’re ready to. It’s the future, but we have to be brave enough to do it.

Need a specific and personal permission slip? I can make one for you. Go here and tell me what you need. I’ll pop one in the post.

Changing the internalised thoughts we carry on tiredness and worthiness is a big task. It’s one that I come up against every day, and it certainly seems to be my big project at the moment. But we can change it. A rising tide lifts all boats. We can create our own atmosphere for creativity and productivity that doesn’t require burnout and hustle and questioning our worthiness.

Join me?

Jenny xx

Here's the thing: you are your business and you're not

you are your businessI’ve believed for a while that most of us creative entrepreneurs and makers and writers and designers and photographers and coaches etc are our businesses. We run personal, whole-hearted, authentic businesses that have personal brands (or brands with a highly personal touch) and that, in many ways, we are inextricably linked to our business.

But there’s a counter-argument, a koan-like opposite that I also hold true: our worth as humans is separate from the external success or failures of our businesses.

When we create businesses based on our unique personal talents, they are so closely linked to who we are, how we feel, how we express ourselves, and how confident we are. That’s part of their power: that the business is close to our own power.

But creating such a tight bind between self to business and business to self can be damaging to both.

Because when you’re not seeing sales, does that mean you, as a person, are not worth money (and love and attention and care and more)?

Does negative feedback mean that you’re damned for all eternity as a person, as well as a business?

And does a successful business month or year mean that you’ve won at also being a friend, partner, sister, parent, human? Not necessarily.

You are your business

You’re the life force that created your business. You’re the mother – you birthed it into the world with the vital elements required for it to live.

Your wellbeing, the care of your heart and mind and soul and body, has a direct impact on how well you are able to continue putting love and life and care and wisdom into your business.

You are the place where the buck stops. You ultimately make the key decisions of your business. You are powerful. You’re the queen and the king and the boss of your business.

I am utterly convinced that, for the majority of us, starting a business and managing a business and continuing a business is a process that magnifies the nuances of our personal strengths and weaknesses. Your beliefs about money, rest, hard work, self-care, other people, boundaries, entitlement, connection and so much more are out in the arena for you to battle with.

If you had an underlying belief, perhaps secret even to you, that people are inherently judgemental and mean, this will become clear as you work with people, sell to them, and connect with them. It might become clear because you suddenly don’t want to show up anymore, or that your internal dialogue condemns all your critics as the mean, nasty teacher you had at school.

I say this not to put you off, or to imagine that you’re the only one. That example in the paragraph above, that’s one of mine. Of course, I don’t 100% believe that people are inherently judgemental and mean. I have a lot of evidence that people are kind and generous and supportive and creative and sometimes just plain ambivalent. But somewhere along the way, this darker belief surfaced, too. The one that leads me to hide away for weeks at a time and not put myself out there.

And in order to be successful in business, I have to work with this belief, and many more like it, in order to have a functional, thriving, successful relationship with marketing and managing my businesses.

This is what I mean: our beliefs will shape at least some of the success (or not) of our business.

You are not your business

You, the person, are already whole, worthy, and amazing.

You are allowed to be happy, to rest, to love yourself, to be loved by others, even if you haven’t made a sale or done everything on your list today.

You are bigger and more complex than a business. You are heart and mind and body and soul. You get cold and hot. You feel more emotions than any non-human entity. You get tired and you get inspired. You have instincts and dreams and desires.

You and your business are separate, like lovers or partners or friends. You give to your business, and you receive something in return. Your business gives to you, and you have the gratitude and energy to give back. (When you’re in a functional relationship, that is.)

Your business may not survive without you if you took your love and energy and attention away from it right now. But you would survive without it.

There is part of you – even if it feels very small and invisible – that does not rely on your business being successful in order to survive. It doesn’t need you to make five figures this month or gain 15k followers on Instagram. It doesn’t even need you to break even. This part of you is already whole and worthy of love and belonging, no matter what happens.

Celebrate your successes, by all means! It’s incredible what you’re putting into the world. Every product published, every sale made, every glowing review deserves a little toast of a cup of tea and piece of gratitude. You did it! You put it out there. And it paid off.

But please, oh please, watch the belief that one failure, one negative piece of feedback, or even a million of both, means that you are failure.

You are separate.

The personal and professional balance

In order to do the work we’re called to do in the world, the creative work, the heart-centred work, the personal business work, we have to take care of our own minds and bodies and hearts. We have to take care of the human at the heart of the business.

For many of my clients and retreat-ers and friends, it is immensely helpful to hear that self-care has to be part of their business plan for long term, sustainable business. That they are very much linked to their business success on that energetic level.

That means self-care: rest, nourishment, nurturing, exercise, healthy environments to work in.

It also means self-development and awareness: investigating the beliefs and re-writing the things that hold you back. Healing your relationships to money, hard work, receiving, creativity and more. An example: do you believe that you’ll somehow ‘use up’ all your good ideas? This is proven not to be the case, but many creatives believe that they won’t find the next big thing ever again. To quote Maya Angelou: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”

It’s also vital to see that you’re in relationship with your business. And like any relationship, to be healthy, you need good boundaries, good give and take, and good communication.

So here’s the thing

This balance, this dichotomy of being connected and separate from our businesses is the heart of my work. These beliefs and approaches and ideas are what I bring to one-on-one coaching and mentoring, as well as to my retreats, courses and workshops.

I can’t shy away from it any more. That part of me that believes everyone reading this is judgemental and mean and will think I’m totally crazy? I’ve got that part in check. I’ve chatted with her, figured out that she’s trying to keep me safe, and these days, I can keep her happy enough to get myself out there with these ideas about working with the human within the business for success all round.

If this isn’t for you, I understand. Possibly time to find another business coach or mentor to follow.

If this intrigues you, if you feel your heart or soul or body or some small part of you yearning for care and balance and coming alive and intuition, then perhaps working with my one on one or a workshop or retreat is something you’ll consider.

Let’s find our true path, within and separate from our businesses.

Jenny xx

Here's the thing: thoughts on being tired

tiredAre you really tired? As an entrepreneur. As a boss. As a creative. As a parent. As a person. It’s tiring. There’s always so much STUFF to do. Never ending. Doom-laden.

I can totally relate.

I was on holiday (honeymoon) recently and I actually got to a point of not-tired. Which was amazing! How long is it since I felt like that?!

And so obviously I wanted to keep feeling not tired, even when I got home and was back to the normal routine and pressures. One of the best things about my honeymoon (that I can talk about publicly – oo-er!) was the clarity it allowed me. Space to think. Space to reflect. No deadlines. No ‘must-do’ items. No urgency.

You know what came up five days in? I was afraid of getting tired. Deeply afraid. Like it would break me to get even a little bit tired.

What I thought of as ‘tired’ was actually ‘totally burnt out with nothing left’. 

Lightbulb moment!

Tired is not bad.

Tired is not failing.

Tired doesn’t mean I’m not fit enough, strong enough, good enough.

It means I need to rest and receive. It means I’m human.

Because I’ve frequently pushed myself beyond merely ‘tired’ and into ‘burnout’, I’ve become afraid of tired. But tired is fine and natural and enjoyable when it works. When it asks for rest and respite and is allowed.

I see so much pressure in the online world, on social media, among creative entrepreneurs, to hustle and get it all done and be total and utter superheroes. The answer to productivity? Schedule everything to within a millisecond! Not getting the sales? Work harder and longer! Something you’re not sure about? Worry until your body is shot through with adrenaline fatigue and the effects of long-term stress.

You know what? I don’t see respect for our humanness in that.

What if we respect tired more?

What if we acknowledge that the response to tired isn’t more caffeine or a tighter schedule or more sugar and carbs and Buddha bowls?

The natural response to tired is rest.

Somewhere along the way, we forgot.

If you, like me, have been on the brink of breakdown or quitting or burnout, will you look at your relationship to tired?

Here’s the thing: dealing with tired means we can deal with everything else

How does your body tell you it’s tired?

How does your brain tell you it’s tired?

(I’ve noticed that my brain often gets tired first, so walking or running or yoga helps my body to take over for a while, so my brain can rest. There’s no point sleeping when my body’s pumped, even if my brain thinks it’s ready for sleep.)

Where can you find, schedule, and commit to resting your weary brain, body, heart and soul?

What’s the moment you could take your foot off the pedal so that tired doesn’t turn into burnt out?

Which expectations do you need to let go of? When do you tell yourself you ‘should’ keep going, even when your body is telling you it needs to stop?

Who do you need to follow or unfollow to encourage your healthy relationship with rest and humanness?

Here are some of my favourite resources:

You know what else helps? Connecting with other people who treasure rest. Who value it and recognise that we’re worth the rest we need, no matter what. But sometimes we have to stand up to the whole world that tells us we have to earn it in a plethora of ways.

If you need encouragement, I’m here. If you need strategies, I’m here. If you need to talk it through or work on how to stand up to others or figure out how to grow your business without burning out, I’m here.

We can do this. (And I don’t mean hustle hard.)

Jenny xx

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Enter The Forge

Life's too damn short to chase someone else's definition of success. I'm here to give you the courage and tools to forge your own path.