Here's the thing: don't wait for the golden ticket

Sometimes I just don’t know where to start. There are so many people telling us we could and should be better, earn more, achieve more.

I get swept up in it. I wonder whether I should be writing click-bait blog titles or adding more semi-shaming posts to scare you into buying my services.

I can’t. I can’t do it. If that makes me naive or stupid or unbusinesslike, so be it. I want you to know that working with a coach or mentor or even a good friend can make a huge difference to your business.

I want you to know that I know the dark places, the scared places, the stuck places. I want you to know that there’s so much hope even when things can look extremely dark. I want you to know I haven’t made it yet, but I still show up and help people every day.

I’m not for everyone, and that’s okay.

I care, deeply. Some have said too much. But truly, I adore holding space for the confusion and sitting with it as it turns into clarity. I can see a dozen ways forward – at least – for any decision you’re facing. But it’s in everyone’s interests to let you choose the best one for you.

I don’t sell four-figure business solutions. I don’t sell guarantees or pre-made business plans

I offer emotional, practical, effective support for people who want to do it their way, but sometimes get stuck. I’m not better than you. I just spend my time learning how to be their true selves in business. And I hope to share that with you.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to learn the secret? Wouldn’t it be just wonderful to replicate a proven formula for the perfect creative business – not too hard, more than enough money – that looks just like hers?

But it’s not how it works. Otherwise we’d all be doing it.

By all means, learn about colour theory and Instagram hashtags and bookkeeping and different sales platforms.

By all means, read stories of others’ success and failures and take in the lessons.

By all means, stay engaged and open in your quest to understand what people want, how they work, and how you can help them through your business and products and services.

But your business is your own. There’s been nothing like it before. It has different goals, different needs, different limitations to any business on the planet. Yes, there are similarities for all of us. But on a subtle, day-to-day level, it’s different.

“What about that copycat who took all my designs and is making a fortune without having put the work in?” I hear you ask. How long do you think it’ll last? Truly.

“What about all these young folk starting their business now with access to recommendations and resources and marketplaces that didn’t exist for me? I had to do it on my own!” Then you’re set up to keep finding your own way. You already have skills and resilience that they haven’t had the opportunity (or inclination) to learn yet.

There are always people who appear to have it easy. I believe two things: the first is that we don’t truly know what’s easy and what’s not for people. The second is that karma exists, and we’re often given lessons we need to learn.

Here’s the thing

The thing I want most for you is that you go your own way. I believe it’s the most powerful, the most authentic, and the most rewarding path.

Here are the things I ask myself when I’m surrounded by big promises and a foggy outlook:

Am I looking for a quick-fix, golden ticket answer to a complex and unique question?
Is this article / post / video asking me to pay a load of cash for a “guaranteed success”? If so, it probably isn’t for me.
Who are my trusted people? The ones who hold similar values to me, and don’t succumb to quick fixes. (Tips: Rachel Cole, Brene Brown, Randi Buckley, Harriet Lerner, Paul Jarvis, Tara Gentile)
What do I need to learn about from someone who’s further ahead on the path?
And what’s my lesson to learn?
What do I know to be true for myself and my business?
Where am I getting distracted by something shiny?
Am I being kind and respectful to my clients and potential clients?
Am I being kind and respectful to myself?

There’s wisdom out there. But there’s a lot of chaff as well. Go for the good stuff. Find your people. Trust yourself.

PS One-off one-on-one mentoring will officially return next week. If you’re interested in a power hour of untangling or just want a taster of this work, please get in touch while I sort out my work with me page.

Here's the thing: emotional health

As I write this, I feel nervous, a little shaky, and a little excited. It’s something I believe in, something I feel passionately about, and something I’m discovering to be true, in some way, every day.

You know when you hit on something you feel like you just have to do? And it’s scary because it’s outside your comfort zone? That’s where I’m at right now. It’s outside my comfort zone because it’s not the straight-forward “business advice” that I imagine a lot of people are looking for.

But it’s also inside my comfort zone because I know that, especially as small businesses, we have to function from a holistic place, a place of wholeness, where we see that we’re people as well as business owners, manufacturers, workers.

When I created and led my first retreat in March, it was this knowledge that I drew upon. I know that we need rest, rejuvenation, quiet, reflection in order to “function” at our best. I wanted to offer people a soft place to land. And it’s a joy to see how much it has allowed the retreat-goers to do since.

Now, as I think about my work and about planning a retreat for next year, I’m seeing that the holistic, personal approach is really important, more important than just running a weekend where I tell people how to market products, write product descriptions and take photos.

Because I know this to be true: human beings are emotional, feeling creatures.

Whether we like it or not, we have feelings. And what I’ve learned through extensive (and sometimes painful) personal experience is that feelings are meant to be felt. (Disclaimer: I’m still learning that lesson.)

Denial of feelings and experiences muddles us up. Maybe we don’t want to be sad that we were made redundant, or angry that someone did something. Maybe we spend a lot of time trying not to be hurt by someone’s comments or actions. Maybe we pretend to be someone we’re not, so we don’t offend people or annoy them. Maybe we avoid grief.

But all that denial and avoidance and pushing away gets in the way of processing the feelings. Which means that the feelings show up when we’re trying to make “rational” decisions.

If we haven’t admitted to ourselves that we’re hurt by that mean or dismissive comment, then the hurt tries to get our attention. The feeling creeps into thinking, subconsciously. Maybe we start hustling for approval from that person, to make up for the fact they didn’t like us the last time. And then we make decisions that aren’t truly our own.

When we don’t admit that we’re afraid of failure, of being judged, of being rejected, we can’t reassure ourselves. We can’t weigh up the risks in a true and authentic way. We let our fears run us, without really being aware of them at all.

There’s part of me afraid of writing this post. Afraid that there will be people who think it’s too “wishy-washy”, who don’t “get it”, who don’t want to feel the feelings – they just want to hear how to plan for a successful Christmas.

I’ve heard what that part of me has to say. And I know she’s scared of being rejected for having emotions as well as rational thoughts. I know why she’s scared of that – we live in a culture that doesn’t value feelings. It values productivity, output, rational, measurable, clear-cut, and dependable. Which feelings aren’t.

You know what’s dependable about feelings? Once felt, they don’t run the show.

I’ve allowed myself to feel afraid. And now I can bring myself – my whole self, with feelings and thoughts – to say yes to pressing publish.

Here’s the thing

The more you deny your feelings, the harder your brain has to work to compensate. Which leads to over-thinking. Which leads to decision paralysis. Which leads to depression and anxiety.

To break the cycle, you have to feel the feelings.

In this male-dominated world, we talk about “mental health”. I would like a re-brand: emotional health. Mental health speaks of the over-thinking, which is only a result of the under-feeling.

As women, we tend to be particularly susceptible to under-feeling, because it’s “weak”, “unprofessional”, and messy. It is messy, but it’s not weak. And when we’re running businesses, we try so hard to hold other people’s understanding of what it means to be professional, and I suggest that sensitive, feeling, and emotional can be essential parts of our professionalism.

So, to feel your feelings, you may want to try:

Creating a safe place to do so. It might be with a counsellor, therapist or coach, or a trusted friend or partner. You might need to carve out alone time, in a comfy chair, with no interruptions.
Free-writing. Once you’re in your safe place, start writing whatever you’re feeling. Just allow what comes, without censoring yourself. If you’re stuck, start with this prompt: right now, I really crave…
Breathe. If you’re used to pushing feelings down, breathe into being open to them. It’s not easy when you start. It can feel like the world will end. It won’t. Breathe.
Get the tissues out. Give yourself whatever you need to process the feelings, whether that’s a good cry, a secret shouting match at life, or writing it all down.
Go gently. Be very kind to yourself. Don’t rush back into thinking or doing. Notice what it was like to feel, and if anything has shifted for you.

You might feel like you’ve opened up an ocean of feelings. You don’t have to feel them all at once. You can be gentle with yourself until you feel strong enough to be honest even more. If you start feeling overwhelmed by the force of emotion, make sure you’re getting some help to guide you through it. The UKCP is a good place to start.

The aim isn’t to be a blubbering wreck the whole time, but to free up your energy to live your life, run your business, make healthy decisions, instead of spending so much energy suppressing feelings you think you shouldn’t have. You should.

And any feeling you have – sadness, fear, anxiety, shame, despair, joy, overwhelm, worry, love – I’ve had too, at some point. We’re human. Feelings happen to everyone. They don’t make you weak.

Just like taking care of your body, you have to take care of your emotions, too.

Take really good care this weekend.

Here's the thing: intuition

Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.

I believe that intuition plays a huge part in our lives, but also in business. I believe big businesses underestimate their CEOs’ and employees’ ability to work intuitively. I believe small businesses (especially if they’re creative) run on intuition by necessity. And I believe that if we were all to hone and cultivate our intuition, we’d improve our ability to make the decisions that are right for us.

Let me say more about that bit about small businesses…

We work alone. We work with innovative ideas and iterations that haven’t been seen before.

Time and resources are limited. When we’re making decisions about what colour to use on a product, or whether to put X or Y on Facebook, we work intuitively. Part of that intuition might include using information we’ve processed – consciously or subconsciously – about what worked before.

Yes, we might use research (our own or others’), but we certainly don’t have huge budgets and buckets of time for qualitative and quantitative data processing. For brand agencies, market researchers, and data analysts.

Once we’ve got the best possible information, ultimately most decisions come back to what feels right for us.

And that’s not to say intuition is always the knee-jerk initial reaction we have to a particular problem or decision. Sometimes that’s reserved for fear, or anxiety, or I’m-not-good-enough judgements.

Intuition is the deeper voice, the one that somehow knows, the one you’ve always had to lead you down the right path for you.

Intuition doesn’t care what other people are doing. (Comparison is the thief of joy.) Intuition works exclusively for you and your work.

Intuition is your way of learning, processing and deciding that can’t always be explained immediately. And it’s often quicker than going round the houses in trying to back something up.

Here’s the thing:

Intuition, like any other skill, needs cultivating. It needs practice. It needs conscious attention.

To make it really valuable to you and your business, you need to tend to your intuition, building up the trust you have for yourself.

A few things to try to cultivate your own unique intuition:

1. Think back. Remember a time in recent weeks or months when you made a decision or acted intuitively. How did it feel? How did you know it was the right decision for you? Did you “just know”? Were there still doubts? It could be as simple as deciding which product or image to put on your website’s homepage. What was the impact of your decision? Is there anything your intuition can learn for next time? (Even it’s just – hey, you were spot on!)

2. Make your fears and insecurities conscious so that they don’t get in the way of your intuitive voice. We all have fears and insecurities. And while it often feels like you want to push them down and lock them in a safe 20 leagues under the sea, that actually makes them stronger and more aggressive. As uncomfortable as it might feel, I thoroughly recommend writing out all the fears, worries and insecurities that come up for you in general and regarding specific situations or decisions.

Be really honest, and really specific. (“I’m afraid I’m a fraud, and one day people are going to find out.”)

Notice if and how you catastrophise (“This product will fail, and then no one will like me, and my business will go under.”)

When you’ve got a nice, big list, take it all in. Become aware of how your fears might be your knee-jerk reactions that block your intuition. Be kind to yourself – these fears aren’t “bad”, they’re just beliefs you’ve picked up to try and keep you safe. A little misguided, and ready to be heard but not followed.

3. Sit with your intuition. It really benefits from being respected and listened to. You might choose to meditate, or write down your ideas. You might just think about how you work intuitively while you’re cooking or out for a walk. The more space and intention you can give to this muscle called intuition, the stronger it will get. If you have a wave of inspiration or there’s an idea you can’t shake, write it down, say it out loud. Whatever feels right, even if you can’t back it up right this second. That’s your intuition asking for a louder voice.

Wishing you a wonderful end to the first week of the year, and lots of lovely intuition,

Like the sound of working more closely with your intuition? I’ll be covering it at my Small Creative Business Retreat (20-22 March). A weekend of relaxation, rejuvenation and re-connecting with your business (and your intuition!). What could be better? Book your place now!

Here’s the thing

Because I know this to be true: human beings are emotional, feeling creatures.

Here’s the thing

Here’s the thing:

Enter The Forge