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Here's the thing: how I first became aware of depression and anxiety

First, a big thank you to everyone who got in touch after last week’s blog post. I had a LOT of “me too” emails, and I can’t wait to bring you more support if you are managing depression and/or anxiety in your life and business.

Today I thought I’d share a bit about when I first became aware of depression and anxiety for what they are, as well as some of my beliefs about what it’s like to live and work with mental health challenges. It’s in telling these stories and offering tools and resources that I hope to help other business owners thrive, even with limitations.

When Jenny met Depression

I was on the bus. I was maybe 19, and travelling between my part-time job and my shared house. It was miserable outside, I remember that. I felt like, despite long hours on uni work and a part-time job, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I felt stuck. I had a boyfriend, but not in the same city, and we didn’t often have the time or cash to visit or call or text. I had friends, but didn’t feel I could share feelings with them – we were meant to be having fun and changing the world and having an awesome time. It was raining, and the prospect of getting home to more work and eating something rustled up from fairly empty cupboards wasn’t particularly cheering.

This is the first moment I remember being aware of depression; aware of the heaviness and the potential for hopelessness. I felt the stuck-ness, and it felt like it was sucking me in.

My external circumstances weren’t great, but they weren’t dire. This was the day when I realised it was more about the internal landscape than the external. This wasn’t “having a bad week”. It was a sense of futility and sadness and loneliness that I couldn’t shake with an early night and decent meal. It was longer term and further reaching than being in a funk or struggling with a heavy workload.

It would take me another couple of years to seek dedicated support or even say aloud, “I think I’m depressed.” But this was the moment when I knew it was something that was more than “normal” struggle.

At the time, I turned my attention to working harder. I read some self-help books. I dealt with it in the way I’ve often dealt with adversity: by over-performing. I thought if I just “snapped out of it” and found success, I’d feel better.

Well, I got a degree and a job and had a good relationship, and I still found myself feeling hopeless and tired and emotional. I found a therapist. I started admitting that this wasn’t about the circumstances. I started to realise that no matter how much I achieved, Depression wasn’t going to fade.

And this is why I believe so many self-employed people can struggle with depression – because we’re always waiting for success to tell us we’ll be okay, that we deserve it.

I’ve heard from people who thought their depression was one-off, was based on a specific occasion. And while certain circumstances can trigger grief and sadness, they can also open our eyes to patterns and to the realisation that something bigger is going on.

My journey with anxiety

My experiences with anxiety are different to depression. In general, these days, I don’t struggle with anxiety very much. But I certainly have. The first time I really struggled was maybe a year or so after that day on the bus, and just after I’d started seeing a therapist. I was at a gig, and had that sudden sense of not being safe. I couldn’t get out of the building – I couldn’t see the door.

For me, panic attacks are nauseating and light-headed. I can’t stand up by myself and I can’t imagine walking. At that gig, I got outside and sat in probably a pretty horrible smoking area and waited until I started to feel normal again. At the time, it was coupled with the fact that I felt I’d ruined the gig for my friends, so I was desperately trying to be normal. I think I even went for a drink afterwards. (Which isn’t what I’d recommend!)

These days, I’ve worked through a lot of the things that triggered anxiety for me, and it’s a long time since I had a panic attack. I’m more grounded than I’ve ever been, mostly because I don’t fight myself anymore.

But I remember. And I know how anxiety can affect people. So it’s also here, as part of the work and the support. Anxiety and worry – chronic or otherwise – has already been a theme of my work with clients. So many come to me when they can’t see the wood for the trees. I’ll keep working with it and talking about it, alongside depression.

Here’s the thing: your story

First, there’s no shame in acknowledging that depression and anxiety are part of your life. Especially around here. I think some people are afraid of it, and I understand that. But I truly believe it’s possible to live a good life and to manage depression and anxiety – so many of us are already doing it. (Around one in four adults struggle with depression. One in four! Let’s talk about it.)

And as I said in my last post, if this isn’t for you, no worries! Maybe you’re not as far down the line as “depressed”, but you’re still interested in integrating human with business. Because a lot of the depression management I know about can also apply to heart-led, soulful and highly sensitive people. Or maybe you’re just interested. That’s cool. Great to have you.

If you know you struggle with depression and/or anxiety (or suspect that you do), I encourage you to remember when you first noticed it. By claiming your experiences and your stories, you get to notice that you’re bigger than the struggle.

Here are some writing prompts:

What’s your first memory of experiencing depression or anxiety?
What was going on at the time?
How did it feel, physically and emotionally?
What was your reaction to it? Did you try to stop feeling “bad”? Did you seek help? Did you accept the experience or squash it?
Looking back, what did you need at the time?

I’m not a certified therapist, so go gently with this, and seek support if you need it. These prompts are intended to help you explore your experiences, but please take care of yourself if you’re not in the right frame of mind to explore this right now.

What’s your story?

As I build up my resources for business owners with depression, I’m inviting anyone who wants to to get in touch with their story. Not only do I want to support you and allow you an outlet to share your experiences and understand your story, it also helps me to understand what I can offer in more detail.

So please, if you want to, let me know your story. Get in touch. Let’s talk about how we can survive and thrive while managing mental health challenges.

Jenny x

Here's the thing: two things I need to tell you about my work and life

Honestly? I don’t know exactly what’s next.

Honestly? I don’t know which of the many, many things to offer right now.

Honestly? I don’t know if I’m relevant to the people I was relevant to before – and sometimes I don’t know if I’m relevant to anyone.

Have you been there? Have you had that feeling when you wake up, when you’re just not sure? If not, then I salute you, and I hope that your enthusiasm and confidence continues to support your endeavours.

If you have, you’re not alone. Me too. And many more of us, I’m sure of it.

There are some things I need to tell you now, on this Friday in August. Because until I get them out, they’re just getting in the way.

The first thing is this: My work and audience are changing.

Over three years ago, I left notonthehighstreet.com, having worked there for five years. I wanted to help small businesses in a wider capacity than I’d been able to. I wanted to write. I wanted to bring my skills and experience to people who needed them.

It’s broader now. It’s not that I don’t know anything about selling on NOTHS. It’s not that I can’t (or don’t) support people who do. I still work with clients regularly on their NOTHS store, and I still know a lot of things. But I’m not the NOTHS-whisperer! I can’t guarantee sales. I don’t know their strategy. I haven’t worked there for three years.

And the things I work on are about a bigger picture: creating the business and life that you really want. Seeing you as a person within your business, and creating a business plan that’s uniquely yours. I’m a coach-therapist-mentor, and I believe in addressing our personal selves in order to do the big business work and find the answers. It’s not just key terms and marketing – though I love weaving them in. It’s the whole package.

(As an aside, Copper Boom Studio is now officially recommended by NOTHS, which is kind of a wonderful new way of working with them.)

The second thing is this: I have lived with depression over many years.

It’s August. Which means it’s nine years since I started seeing a therapist. (Who I still see regularly.) I’ve had periods of depression since at least early teenage years. I’m high functioning, that’s for sure! But it’s something that can wipe me out and that I’ve had to learn a lot about.

Why am I telling you now? Because depression and anxiety are things I see in my clients fairly regularly. Not always diagnosed. Not always severe. But it seems to me that being self-employed can open you up to having to deal with depression and anxiety, even if you didn’t need to (or realise it) before.

I’m also telling you because yesterday I started working one-on-one with a client specifically around her depression and anxiety. My aim is to build a series of resources and courses that support creative entrepreneurs and makers who struggle with these issues. It’s not a cure for depression, because I don’t think that exists, but it’s to tackle some of the ways running a business with depression is different, and requires a different approach. I’m also hoping it’ll be a way to say you’re not alone.

Honestly? I wasn’t planning to tell you all this today.

But these are two things I’ve been thinking about for months. That I knew I needed to get out.

They fit together, because supporting clients with depression and anxiety is becoming more of a focus for me, as well as being part of the more personal work I’m doing now. I think it’s important that I tell me own story, in order for you to know why I’m expanding my direction (and letting go of some of the types of work I’ve done before).

What does it mean for you?

As I said a few weeks ago, if these things mean we’re not a good fit anymore, please change your subscription preferences. I won’t be offended. Maybe you signed up when I was very NOTHS-focused, or you’re still looking for someone who can help you with just the practical business stuff. There are plenty of people around. They’ll serve you better if that’s what you need.

Some of the things I did by myself before (like storefront reviews, product descriptions, and other copywriting) are available with the support of my amazing team at Copper Boom Studio.

If you don’t want to go deeper into depression and anxiety – if you’re not ready – that’s fine too. Whether you struggle with these issues or not, I send you well wishes and positivity on your journey.

But if you’re interested in integrating being human with running your business, or you have struggled with depression and/or anxiety, or maybe you’re intrigued by adding intuition into your business planning, I hope that you will join me. You can get my email updates here, and you can follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

My work is shifting, and I think some of the audience is shifting too. Today, I needed to tell you that.

Here’s to the next chapter for all of us!

Jenny x

Here's the thing: don't wait for the golden ticket

Sometimes I just don’t know where to start. There are so many people telling us we could and should be better, earn more, achieve more.

I get swept up in it. I wonder whether I should be writing click-bait blog titles or adding more semi-shaming posts to scare you into buying my services.

I can’t. I can’t do it. If that makes me naive or stupid or unbusinesslike, so be it. I want you to know that working with a coach or mentor or even a good friend can make a huge difference to your business.

I want you to know that I know the dark places, the scared places, the stuck places. I want you to know that there’s so much hope even when things can look extremely dark. I want you to know I haven’t made it yet, but I still show up and help people every day.

I’m not for everyone, and that’s okay.

I care, deeply. Some have said too much. But truly, I adore holding space for the confusion and sitting with it as it turns into clarity. I can see a dozen ways forward – at least – for any decision you’re facing. But it’s in everyone’s interests to let you choose the best one for you.

I don’t sell four-figure business solutions. I don’t sell guarantees or pre-made business plans

I offer emotional, practical, effective support for people who want to do it their way, but sometimes get stuck. I’m not better than you. I just spend my time learning how to be their true selves in business. And I hope to share that with you.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to learn the secret? Wouldn’t it be just wonderful to replicate a proven formula for the perfect creative business – not too hard, more than enough money – that looks just like hers?

But it’s not how it works. Otherwise we’d all be doing it.

By all means, learn about colour theory and Instagram hashtags and bookkeeping and different sales platforms.

By all means, read stories of others’ success and failures and take in the lessons.

By all means, stay engaged and open in your quest to understand what people want, how they work, and how you can help them through your business and products and services.

But your business is your own. There’s been nothing like it before. It has different goals, different needs, different limitations to any business on the planet. Yes, there are similarities for all of us. But on a subtle, day-to-day level, it’s different.

“What about that copycat who took all my designs and is making a fortune without having put the work in?” I hear you ask. How long do you think it’ll last? Truly.

“What about all these young folk starting their business now with access to recommendations and resources and marketplaces that didn’t exist for me? I had to do it on my own!” Then you’re set up to keep finding your own way. You already have skills and resilience that they haven’t had the opportunity (or inclination) to learn yet.

There are always people who appear to have it easy. I believe two things: the first is that we don’t truly know what’s easy and what’s not for people. The second is that karma exists, and we’re often given lessons we need to learn.

Here’s the thing

The thing I want most for you is that you go your own way. I believe it’s the most powerful, the most authentic, and the most rewarding path.

Here are the things I ask myself when I’m surrounded by big promises and a foggy outlook:

Am I looking for a quick-fix, golden ticket answer to a complex and unique question?
Is this article / post / video asking me to pay a load of cash for a “guaranteed success”? If so, it probably isn’t for me.
Who are my trusted people? The ones who hold similar values to me, and don’t succumb to quick fixes. (Tips: Rachel Cole, Brene Brown, Randi Buckley, Harriet Lerner, Paul Jarvis, Tara Gentile)
What do I need to learn about from someone who’s further ahead on the path?
And what’s my lesson to learn?
What do I know to be true for myself and my business?
Where am I getting distracted by something shiny?
Am I being kind and respectful to my clients and potential clients?
Am I being kind and respectful to myself?

There’s wisdom out there. But there’s a lot of chaff as well. Go for the good stuff. Find your people. Trust yourself.

PS One-off one-on-one mentoring will officially return next week. If you’re interested in a power hour of untangling or just want a taster of this work, please get in touch while I sort out my work with me page.

Here’s the thing: your story

Here’s the thing

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