Here's the thing: when you don't love your business

This week, someone on my Facebook page asked me for resources that talked about what to do when you’re not in love with your business. What to do, in fact, when you hate your business. And I drew a blank – I couldn’t think of anything.

And yet this isn’t an unusual conversation for me, really. I talk to clients all the time about struggles they’re having, and sometimes those struggles get them to the end of their tether.

Let’s start with a huge dose of permission and kindness: you don’t have to love every ounce of your business all the time. You can have bad days. You can have bad months. That doesn’t mean you can’t get the love back.

Sometimes, you might find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. It’s dragging you down.

The first thing is to dig a little deeper into why you’re not in love with your business. What is it, exactly, that’s dragging you down?

Perhaps you’re not making the products you really want to be making. Maybe you’re feeling the relentless pressure of doing it all by yourself. Or you’re getting caught in the comparison trap, instead of following your own dreams and instincts. Perhaps you’re putting things out there in the world and not getting much back.

Maybe, and I hear this so often, you find it hard to interact with customers – demanding, needing attention, confused – on a day to day basis. For many creative people, who are brilliant at design, customer service isn’t exactly a natural place to be. People can be challenging, especially when it feels like they’re always in the right and you’re always in the wrong. Especially when their passion for your product or service turns into frustration or resentment when it didn’t turn up on time, or solve all their problems.

And because we’re social creatures, these difficult conversations can really drag us down. They can take the fun out of everything.

I’ve worked with several clients who’ve struggled with customer service in their business, and I can honestly say that the difference between those who’ve successfully moved on are those who have actively chosen to think differently about it. And I don’t think you can make that happen if it isn’t there… You have to really want to change your mind about your customer interactions.

Because they require generosity, as well as clear boundaries that you uphold every day. I believe in boundary setting, and I know how hard it is to say no to people when it feels like you should say yes. But saying yes to big demands and difficult people can really impact your love for your business.

So I think customer service is good place to start if you’re struggling. But be really honest about what you’re struggling with – it may be different for you.

I also believe that it’s really hard to pour all your efforts into a business that doesn’t give you anything back. And I’m not just talking about money. What do you need your business to give you? Is it about the flexible lifestyle? Does it need to feed your creative passion? Is there a certain amount you need to make to feel good about it? As much as you can, get clear on the answers to those questions, and you may find that new and exciting answers start showing themselves to you.

And it’s okay to stop and change your mind.

Ultimately, if you can’t see a way of changing smaller things – like customer service, or delegating tasks you hate to someone else – then it might be time to take a small sabbatical to reflect on bigger changes. Take a couple of days off. Take a week off. Get out of your life and your business. Go on a retreat.

And while you’re away, allow yourself free reign to dream big, outside anything you’ve dreamt of before, perhaps. It might be time for a big change in your business. If you really can’t delegate or change your customer service policy, and let that be enough, you may need to re-think your business completely. Let yourself do that.

What makes you excited? What gets your creativity flowing? And I don’t mean, ‘What’s another product you could churn out?’ That’s not going to get you fired up. What feels really good to you?

These answers may not come immediately. You may need to really release the stress and pressure of working on something that’s breaking your heart. You may need to rest, deeply, before you can start thinking about the next thing fully.

Thinking about doing something new, whether it’s a first business or second or third, requires you to love yourself so much, to believe in yourself, and to believe that you can do something more – you’re allowed to do whatever you want. If you told me you wanted to sack it all in and become a lawyer or a masseuse or a teacher or a full time mum, I’d help you find a way to get there.

If no one else tells you this, I will: you can do whatever you like. There are no wrong answers.

Here’s the thing

This is a huge topic, and there are so many things to try to rekindle the love, and so many ways to think about a new line of work. I could write a dozen blog posts about this.

But here are the headlines:

If you hate it, you need to change something. And I recommend changing it consciously, rather than just trying anything and everything willy-nilly. Think carefully, trial it, track the outcome.
Delegate what you can. If you hate packing orders, hire someone. If writing product descriptions or blog posts isn’t your thing, hire someone.
Change your product range. Stop selling products that hurt your soul. Or change them radically. If the things you hate are bestsellers, figure out how much income you’ll ‘lose’ and figure out if it’s worth the trade off.
Introduce more of what you love. If you don’t offer it, people can’t love it or buy it. If you’ve always wanted to do more illustration or writing, start. I promise you won’t ruin anything.
Take a big break. Give yourself permission to dream, and to not work. Plan to extend your delivery times or put your shop on holiday while you do some soul searching.

People don’t talk about hating their business – it’s kind of taboo. But sometimes it happens. Sometimes, all that work isn’t worth it.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You’ve just learnt what you don’t want. So start learning more about what you do want.

PS Inspired Action starts in a little over a week. If you’re looking for some inspiration to work on your online shop, you might find it’s just the thing! Read more and register here.

Here's the thing: emotional health

As I write this, I feel nervous, a little shaky, and a little excited. It’s something I believe in, something I feel passionately about, and something I’m discovering to be true, in some way, every day.

You know when you hit on something you feel like you just have to do? And it’s scary because it’s outside your comfort zone? That’s where I’m at right now. It’s outside my comfort zone because it’s not the straight-forward “business advice” that I imagine a lot of people are looking for.

But it’s also inside my comfort zone because I know that, especially as small businesses, we have to function from a holistic place, a place of wholeness, where we see that we’re people as well as business owners, manufacturers, workers.

When I created and led my first retreat in March, it was this knowledge that I drew upon. I know that we need rest, rejuvenation, quiet, reflection in order to “function” at our best. I wanted to offer people a soft place to land. And it’s a joy to see how much it has allowed the retreat-goers to do since.

Now, as I think about my work and about planning a retreat for next year, I’m seeing that the holistic, personal approach is really important, more important than just running a weekend where I tell people how to market products, write product descriptions and take photos.

Because I know this to be true: human beings are emotional, feeling creatures.

Whether we like it or not, we have feelings. And what I’ve learned through extensive (and sometimes painful) personal experience is that feelings are meant to be felt. (Disclaimer: I’m still learning that lesson.)

Denial of feelings and experiences muddles us up. Maybe we don’t want to be sad that we were made redundant, or angry that someone did something. Maybe we spend a lot of time trying not to be hurt by someone’s comments or actions. Maybe we pretend to be someone we’re not, so we don’t offend people or annoy them. Maybe we avoid grief.

But all that denial and avoidance and pushing away gets in the way of processing the feelings. Which means that the feelings show up when we’re trying to make “rational” decisions.

If we haven’t admitted to ourselves that we’re hurt by that mean or dismissive comment, then the hurt tries to get our attention. The feeling creeps into thinking, subconsciously. Maybe we start hustling for approval from that person, to make up for the fact they didn’t like us the last time. And then we make decisions that aren’t truly our own.

When we don’t admit that we’re afraid of failure, of being judged, of being rejected, we can’t reassure ourselves. We can’t weigh up the risks in a true and authentic way. We let our fears run us, without really being aware of them at all.

There’s part of me afraid of writing this post. Afraid that there will be people who think it’s too “wishy-washy”, who don’t “get it”, who don’t want to feel the feelings – they just want to hear how to plan for a successful Christmas.

I’ve heard what that part of me has to say. And I know she’s scared of being rejected for having emotions as well as rational thoughts. I know why she’s scared of that – we live in a culture that doesn’t value feelings. It values productivity, output, rational, measurable, clear-cut, and dependable. Which feelings aren’t.

You know what’s dependable about feelings? Once felt, they don’t run the show.

I’ve allowed myself to feel afraid. And now I can bring myself – my whole self, with feelings and thoughts – to say yes to pressing publish.

Here’s the thing

The more you deny your feelings, the harder your brain has to work to compensate. Which leads to over-thinking. Which leads to decision paralysis. Which leads to depression and anxiety.

To break the cycle, you have to feel the feelings.

In this male-dominated world, we talk about “mental health”. I would like a re-brand: emotional health. Mental health speaks of the over-thinking, which is only a result of the under-feeling.

As women, we tend to be particularly susceptible to under-feeling, because it’s “weak”, “unprofessional”, and messy. It is messy, but it’s not weak. And when we’re running businesses, we try so hard to hold other people’s understanding of what it means to be professional, and I suggest that sensitive, feeling, and emotional can be essential parts of our professionalism.

So, to feel your feelings, you may want to try:

Creating a safe place to do so. It might be with a counsellor, therapist or coach, or a trusted friend or partner. You might need to carve out alone time, in a comfy chair, with no interruptions.
Free-writing. Once you’re in your safe place, start writing whatever you’re feeling. Just allow what comes, without censoring yourself. If you’re stuck, start with this prompt: right now, I really crave…
Breathe. If you’re used to pushing feelings down, breathe into being open to them. It’s not easy when you start. It can feel like the world will end. It won’t. Breathe.
Get the tissues out. Give yourself whatever you need to process the feelings, whether that’s a good cry, a secret shouting match at life, or writing it all down.
Go gently. Be very kind to yourself. Don’t rush back into thinking or doing. Notice what it was like to feel, and if anything has shifted for you.

You might feel like you’ve opened up an ocean of feelings. You don’t have to feel them all at once. You can be gentle with yourself until you feel strong enough to be honest even more. If you start feeling overwhelmed by the force of emotion, make sure you’re getting some help to guide you through it. The UKCP is a good place to start.

The aim isn’t to be a blubbering wreck the whole time, but to free up your energy to live your life, run your business, make healthy decisions, instead of spending so much energy suppressing feelings you think you shouldn’t have. You should.

And any feeling you have – sadness, fear, anxiety, shame, despair, joy, overwhelm, worry, love – I’ve had too, at some point. We’re human. Feelings happen to everyone. They don’t make you weak.

Just like taking care of your body, you have to take care of your emotions, too.

Take really good care this weekend.

Here's the thing: take lunch breaks

In recent conversations with clients and at the Small Creative Business Retreat, it has come to my attention that many small business owners are not taking lunch breaks. In fact, some are not even eating lunch!

It’s time to change. I’m starting a lunch break revolution because, apparently, we need one.

I’m not going to argue with the wise people who tell you breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That would be foolish, I’m sure.

But lunch holds a very particular significance because it’s right there, smack bang in the middle of the day. Which makes it an ideal – nay – essential time for a proper break. You’ve put in the hours in the morning, and you brain and body are in need of sustenance, both food and time.

You know, if you actually employed yourself, you’d be legally obliged to give yourself at least 20 uninterrupted minutes for every 6 hours, plus tea and loo breaks.

Ask yourself right now: do you get 20 minutes off before you stop working in the evening?

And then ask yourself this: do you often feel overwhelmed, tired, unclear, unfocused, or unsure? If the answer is yes, let me suggest something… Take a lunch break!

Not just any kind of lunch break, a proper one. One in which your brain gets to slow down and relax a bit, or your hands get a good rest. A break that allows you to return to the land of real human beings, not a one-(wo)man business machine. A break in which you breathe, notice yourself eating nourishing food, drink something lovely, and sit quietly for a moment or two.

Things that do not constitute taking a lunch break:

Scrolling through Facebook, Pinterest or Instagram
Sitting by your computer or laptop, trying to get food in your mouth without looking
Any kind of chore, or to do list item

If you’re currently kidding yourself that spending 10 minutes on Facebook, getting worked up about what other people are doing, is actually a lunch break, then please – stop now.

Here’s the thing…

I’m going to tell you something you may find shocking. I take a lunch break every single day, for at least 30 minutes, and usually longer. I get up, make my lunch, and I sit on my sofa – 2 metres away from my laptop and phone.

Sometimes I pull out a (non-work) book. Sometimes I make notes (but only after I’ve finished eating). I breathe. I put on fun music. I stretch.

Sometimes (here it comes) I take a 2 hour lunch break. I go to yoga, or I simply need more downtime in order for my brain and my body to return to work mode. It’s taken me a little while to know that this is okay. I started off worrying that I’d need to schedule in “make up” time so that I was “allowed” to have time off. What I’ve discovered is that having a longer break when I need one allows me to work longer, or get up earlier, without me forcing it. It happens naturally. Honest.

Here’s the bit I really want you to hear: taking lunch breaks is a way to develop self-respect and self-worth. You are worthy of time off to eat a lovely sandwich and think about daffodils! Sometimes, we all feel like we’re not “allowed” to rest, that it has to be hard and we have to suffer for it to be worth it. Sometimes, we measure our productivity on how much we sacrificed to get there. You don’t have to suffer or sacrifice downtime to be successful.

And you don’t have to wait until you magically believe you’re worth it to start taking breaks and looking after yourself. Start taking them, and the belief will start to follow. You’ll be sending yourself the message that you deserve to be cared for, and so you’ll start to feel it, too.

Maybe 2 hours is a big ask for you, but try 20 minutes at least. I dare you!

Here are some ideas:

Leave the building. Physically remove yourself from work to clear your head and refresh you body and brain.
Breathe deeply. Follow a guided meditation, or simply take big, deep breaths by yourself.
Plan delicious lunches. If you have something to look forward to, surely you’ll want to sit and savour it?
Turn off all screens. You want to be present in your break, so limit the distractions that could pull you back into work.
Get a dog or borrow someone else’s. Dog-walking is great, because you can concentrate on something else, and you have a moral obligation to take a break! Plus, y’know, cute.

Have a wonderful bank holiday weekend!

PS If you’re still thinking ‘Yeah, right, how unrealistic, there’s no way I could do that, it’ll ruin my business’, I’M TALKING TO YOU. Go back to the beginning, read again. Or email me and tell me exactly how taking 20 minutes off every day is going to ruin your business.

And it’s okay to stop and change your mind.

Here’s the thing

Because I know this to be true: human beings are emotional, feeling creatures.

Here’s the thing

Here’s the thing…

Enter The Forge