business coach

Here's the thing: thoughts on being tired

tiredAre you really tired? As an entrepreneur. As a boss. As a creative. As a parent. As a person. It’s tiring. There’s always so much STUFF to do. Never ending. Doom-laden.

I can totally relate.

I was on holiday (honeymoon) recently and I actually got to a point of not-tired. Which was amazing! How long is it since I felt like that?!

And so obviously I wanted to keep feeling not tired, even when I got home and was back to the normal routine and pressures. One of the best things about my honeymoon (that I can talk about publicly – oo-er!) was the clarity it allowed me. Space to think. Space to reflect. No deadlines. No ‘must-do’ items. No urgency.

You know what came up five days in? I was afraid of getting tired. Deeply afraid. Like it would break me to get even a little bit tired.

What I thought of as ‘tired’ was actually ‘totally burnt out with nothing left’. 

Lightbulb moment!

Tired is not bad.

Tired is not failing.

Tired doesn’t mean I’m not fit enough, strong enough, good enough.

It means I need to rest and receive. It means I’m human.

Because I’ve frequently pushed myself beyond merely ‘tired’ and into ‘burnout’, I’ve become afraid of tired. But tired is fine and natural and enjoyable when it works. When it asks for rest and respite and is allowed.

I see so much pressure in the online world, on social media, among creative entrepreneurs, to hustle and get it all done and be total and utter superheroes. The answer to productivity? Schedule everything to within a millisecond! Not getting the sales? Work harder and longer! Something you’re not sure about? Worry until your body is shot through with adrenaline fatigue and the effects of long-term stress.

You know what? I don’t see respect for our humanness in that.

What if we respect tired more?

What if we acknowledge that the response to tired isn’t more caffeine or a tighter schedule or more sugar and carbs and Buddha bowls?

The natural response to tired is rest.

Somewhere along the way, we forgot.

If you, like me, have been on the brink of breakdown or quitting or burnout, will you look at your relationship to tired?

Here’s the thing: dealing with tired means we can deal with everything else

How does your body tell you it’s tired?

How does your brain tell you it’s tired?

(I’ve noticed that my brain often gets tired first, so walking or running or yoga helps my body to take over for a while, so my brain can rest. There’s no point sleeping when my body’s pumped, even if my brain thinks it’s ready for sleep.)

Where can you find, schedule, and commit to resting your weary brain, body, heart and soul?

What’s the moment you could take your foot off the pedal so that tired doesn’t turn into burnt out?

Which expectations do you need to let go of? When do you tell yourself you ‘should’ keep going, even when your body is telling you it needs to stop?

Who do you need to follow or unfollow to encourage your healthy relationship with rest and humanness?

Here are some of my favourite resources:

You know what else helps? Connecting with other people who treasure rest. Who value it and recognise that we’re worth the rest we need, no matter what. But sometimes we have to stand up to the whole world that tells us we have to earn it in a plethora of ways.

If you need encouragement, I’m here. If you need strategies, I’m here. If you need to talk it through or work on how to stand up to others or figure out how to grow your business without burning out, I’m here.

We can do this. (And I don’t mean hustle hard.)

Jenny xx

Here's the thing: dealing with uncertainty in business

how to deal with uncertaintyWe all know that being self-employed has its risks. When you step away from a regular paycheck, you miss out on the security of knowing how much you’re going to get paid and when. Someone else takes on the challenge of making sure everything’s in the black, and you get to show up, do your work, and get paid for it. Not all the time, because there can be uncertain times in permanent jobs for sure, but quite often.

When you run your own business or are freelance or whatever your preferred way to say it is, there’s much more uncertainty.

And right now, in my client circles and networks of online retailers, it feels like there’s quite a lot of uncertainty flying around. Perhaps it’s that sales are down, or that retail patterns seem to be shifting more drastically than they have before. Perhaps the market is shifting. Perhaps Brexit and world politics are changing consumers’ behaviour.

And perhaps not.

As I think about how I deal with uncertainty and how I help my clients deal with it, the first thing that comes to mind is one thing: data. What data do we have? Can we trust it? What does it actually tell us?

Because we can get wired up and insecure and swayed by anecdotal evidence. If you don’t read any further or get the printable worksheet below, at least take this:

Check what you know about what’s true for your business and your industry. Fact-check. Don’t rely solely on others’ opinions or anecdotes for data you’re going to use to make your business decisions.

You might do some of your own research. You might find some specific statistics. Or you might stop looking outward at other people and go inward, looking at your business. Make sure your information is good.

Here’s the thing

When I’m faced with decisions or situations coming up, I like to look at the options and possibilities so that I can see potential outcomes and plan what I’ll do if any of them actually happen. This also gives me the opportunity to check in on how likely each possibility is.

Ultimately, I make plans based on what I can control and influence, which gets me out of paralysis and worrying, and into positive action. And as my mum would say, “Where there’s clarity, make decisions.”

I’ve included a few prompts below, but I’ve also made this longer worksheet version that you can download and print so that you can use my own process for dealing with uncertainty.

  • What do I actually know about what’s facing me right now?
  • What am I worrying about right now?
  • Is there anything I’m ready to stop believing, because there’s no evidence?
  • How do I feel about my current situation?
  • How can I manage or deal with my feelings so that I can consider the situation from a practical point of view?
  • Have I been in a similar situation in the past? What happened then?

I hope this all helps. Uncertainty is not easy to deal with, but having the support of a network or mentor (hi!) can really help.

If you have questions or are still feeling stuck or worried, I’d love to hear from you. If there’s a video or course or blog I can offer to help YOU (yes, you), I’m all ears.

Until soon,

Jenny x

Here's the thing: saying no

how to say no by Jenny HydePre-S: Looking for the printable? Skip to the end. But come back to read more good stuff!

You know what I think? I think we’re all busy. I think we’re all trying to do lots of cool things. And I think there’s always opportunity to do more. There’s always another article to read, another email to answer, and another product to design (or blog post to write!).

And I believe this: We have to stop the glorification of busy.

We have to put things down. We have to change our minds and actively demonstrate to ourselves and others that “busy” doesn’t mean “successful”.

For our sanity, for our health, for our sustainability, we have to get comfortable with saying “no”.

Here’s what happens when I say yes when I really needed to say no:

I tell myself it’s not a big deal – I can just do the work or the favour and then it’ll be done. I’ll feel better about it and I’ll be helping someone.

I try to squeeze it in (whatever “it” is) but usually end up procrastinating or rolling it over to tomorrow or next week or similar.

I rush it, so I don’t do a good job.

I start to doubt my abilities. I worry about it when I’m in the shower or boiling the kettle (unlike when I’m doing work I’m fully invested in, which I can usually leave at my desk).

The client or friend or family member chases me. I feel bad and defensive and frustrated.

Resentment starts to build up and I get into black and white thinking (“I’m never going to do anything for them ever again. Look how ungrateful they are”) even if they’re just asking me to do what I said I’d do.

This is an extreme example of what happens, but it’s true. Do I end up feeling good? Occasionally. Do I add more stress to my life? Definitely. Does it benefit the other person? Possibly. But do they also get annoyed with me and wish they’d asked someone else? I imagine so.

Saying yes to stuff I can’t do or am not really invested in doesn’t serve me or anyone else.

But.

We’re nice and generous and we want to help. We don’t like letting people down. And of course there’s the “well, I have to say yes because I need the money / they’re family / I owe them” guilt and fear.

So how do we balance what’s best for us with others’ requests?

This is still a practice for me, but here are the things I’ve been working on:

  1. Get clear on your own priorities. I did this towards the end of last year, when there was just too much and I was pulled in a thousand directions. My priorities are: existing client work, marketing and developing Copper Boom, my family, my home, and my health. There are specifics within that, but it makes it very easy to see what I want to have time, energy and money for.
  2. Be clear that you’re going to start saying no to anything that doesn’t make the list. Once you have your list, you have a reference point. Something that you created in a calm moment, not the heat of the moment when you receive the email or the phone call and can get sideswiped by old habits.
  3. Share your “yes” list. This can be helpful with family, friends and staff members. If you’re going through a big change or finding that you’re overwhelmed, it can be really helpful to let loved ones and the people involved know upfront, before you start saying no to things you usually say yes to. (I’ve included some wording you can use below.)
  4. Start practicing AND understand that no is a complete sentence. We often think we have to justify saying no, but we don’t. We might put a “thank you” on the end, but we don’t have to apologise for not meeting someone’s expectations or give an excuse. Start practicing saying no in a way that feels comfortable to you, even to small things. (Again, more wording for you to practice with below).
  5. Let go of guilt. This one is an ongoing practice. Because we’ve been brought up and conditioned and generally expected to say yes to everything. Because fear and guilt sound the same, and are both trying to keep you safe in a very old-school sort of way. (“If you piss this person off, everyone in the whole world will be pissed off and you’ll never have a business or belong anywhere ever again.” They’re pretty extreme.) You might find physically shaking off guilt is helpful, when you’re feeling it. You might find it helpful to read some of the statements below. You might need to breathe through it and look back at your “yes” list to remind yourself that you’re really saying yes to those things.

It’s easy to write a list, and harder in practice. I know. But I hope that giving you some clear pointers helps to create clarity of thought.

I always find it helpful to think about the actual wording I’m going to say to people. It helps me to feel confident in dealing with requests off the cuff (like on a phone call or face to face), and like the “yes” list, I create them outside the heat of the moment, so I know I can trust them.

Here are some wording suggestions:

  • Thank you for thinking of me! This isn’t something I can commit to right now.
  • I need to consider my current schedule. Can I get back to you in a day / week?
  • I’m currently prioritising my business / family / health and can’t take on extra commitments for the foreseeable future.
  • No.
  • Thanks for your email. This isn’t a good fit for me. I hope you find someone else who can do the project justice. Good luck with it!
  • I’m not a specialist in ______ so this project isn’t something I can take on.
  • This isn’t an option for me.
  • I’d love to, but my priorities lie elsewhere right now.
  • I have to say no. Thank you for the opportunity.
  • Thanks for the suggestion. I’m not in a position to take it up.
  • That isn’t an option for us. (This one’s particularly good for staff, when you don’t want to say why.)
  • Thanks for the suggestion! I need to consider it in context of our other designs and what we’re trying to create. (For feedback on creative suggestions.)
  • That doesn’t fit with what I’m imagining. What I’d LOVE is _____.

Notice that these responses are short and sweet! It will feel awkward saying them (or writing them) at first, especially if you’re used to saying yes and/or explaining yourself. Know that they’re enough: short, sweet and respectful. No apologies for committing to yourself, and no excuses.

I also recommend that you don’t say “maybe later” if you don’t mean it. If you’re never going to say yes to something in a billion years, don’t give someone false hope.

Need a reminder somewhere you can see it? Download the free printable here!

I’m sending so much courage and love as you go forth and say no so that you can say more YES!

Until soon,

Jenny x

Further resources:

optin-cup

Enter The Forge

Life's too damn short to chase someone else's definition of success. I'm here to give you the courage and tools to forge your own path.