here’s the thing

The summer months are a strange time of year for small businesses. Sales can be disrupted, unpredictable. Sometimes too many, catching you off guard, and sometimes there are too few, making it feel a bit like tumbleweeds are blowing around the internet.

It’s a time when we take on projects, trying to tackle things ‘over the summer’ and ‘before Christmas’, so our to-do lists are often fuller than they need to be, because we’re trying to cram in extra stuff.

And, if you have children (or your staff do), it can be chaos of the highest order. The pressure of balancing childcare with a business is precarious at the best of times, but summer holidays are particularly hard to handle. There’s guilt, too, just make things even more fun.

Perhaps, like many of my clients, you have a wild and raving inner landscape of guilt – for not working harder on your business, for not giving your children ‘enough’ time, for neglecting friends and family, for having a messy home.

Before we go any further, I just want you to put down the guilt.

The idea of the woman who does it all without even breaking a sweat is an illusion. Perfection is a myth. And you are superwoman for simply keeping going (and even if you want to just stop).

And I mean that for anyone reading, male or female, parent or not.

This week, as we come to the end of August, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the summer and the year so far, to enjoy the final days of light, and to be really really kind to ourselves.

So, I’m asking you to give yourself 20 minutes and £20.

Now, I feel like I can already hear the gremlins creeping in. “She’s not talking about me.” “That’s nice for other people, but I couldn’t possibly.” “This is for her other readers.” “I can’t afford the time or the money.” “[derisive laugh]”

Well, listen here, gremlins! I know that you want to stay small and stressed, because you think that’s the way to safety. I know you love the idea of perfection, and that you think it’s achievable, and that it absolutely doesn’t include kindness or wholeness or rest.

To you, reader: you deserve 20 minutes of your own time and attention. You deserve (and can afford) £20 to spend on something purely for you. And if you’re wondering what “they” will think – partners, children, friends, family, colleagues – if they care for you, they’re going to know this is necessary and super good for you. Even if they don’t immediately like it or support it, they’ll see the difference afterwards. And if you don’t ask for 20 minutes and £20 from yourself, you don’t even let them show that it’s okay.

Let start with 20 minutes.

First, you need this to be 20 minutes all to yourself. Some of the suggestions below include a friend – this person needs to be someone who can absolutely cheer you on. There will be no children, no one who needs something for you, in these 20 minutes. Ask for someone to look after the kids.

You also need to remove distractions like email and social media. Put your phone in another room. Turn your metaphorical (or real) shop sign to ‘Closed’.

Start by closing your eyes and taking five full, deep breaths. You’re already letting go. Choose something that feels really nourishing, from this list, or your own inspiration:

• Grab a pen and paper, and write down everything you’re grateful for, right now, in this moment.
• Write yourself a love letter, including all the things you’ve done and all the things you love about yourself (flaws and all).
• For parents, write down the moments you have shared with your children this summer. Note down the ways they’re growing up, and what you’re loving about them right now.
• Meditate. Here’s an initial prompt. Then sit or lie quietly in a darkened room for the remaining 18 minutes. Allow thoughts to float away. Listen to your breathing. Let go.
• Take a walk around your neighbourhood or home. Notice nature. Silently tell yourself what you like as you look around.
• Listen to this TEDx Talk by Brene Brown.
• Put some of your favourite music on, and just listen to it, possibly with dancing. Or play my meditation playlist and sit quietly.
• Paint, draw or doodle – freely or with the intention to say thank you to the summer.
• Take a bath. 20 minutes is actually plenty.
• Read a magazine or (non-work) book for the absolute joy of it. (I’m currently re-reading Harry Potter. Hell, yes!)

Now that you’ve spent some quality time with yourself, it’s time to give yourself a gift. £20, spent wisely, can boost your happiness, and you can show yourself that you’re worth investing in and caring for. I’ve included some ideas below, but beware – choose something that feels really right, really nourishing, really you.

• Get a bunch of your favourite flowers and put them in a favourite vase or around the home. A little vase on your bedside table – just, purely, for you – can be a lovely sight to wake up to. Bloom & Wild and Bunches are good online options.
• Choose an aromatherapy oil blend to use throughout the day. Smells can be so uplifting! Try Neal’s Yard Remedies for good smelling things.
• Similarly, a gorgeous scented candle can be a great way to add a little magic to your evenings (or your bath).
• Take yourself out for lunch. Take a friend (a really, really good one, who’ll listen and laugh with ease), or take a book. Make it really delicious.
• Order a takeaway. Again, delicious. And make it your choice. Do not defer to what your husband, child or bestie prefers. You. They can fend for themselves.
• Get a really nice notebook that’s dedicated just for you – your thoughts, dreams, care.
• Give yourself the gift of a great bath. You don’t have to spend a lot to add something new or something special. Epsom salts, bath oils, body scrubs – but make them something you really love.
• Choose your favourite of these prints.
• Get an encouraging talisman – a piece or jewellery or small token – that reminds you to take care of yourself. I love Soul Mantras and gave them to clients at Christmas.
• Buy new socks. I know this sounds a bit random, but sometimes we neglect even the basics, so if you’ve been needing new socks (or, ahem, pants) for a while, choose some uplifting ones.
• That magazine or book or DVD that could wait because it felt like an indulgence? Get it. Anticipate it. Enjoy it.
• Give yourself the gift of organisation. A family planner. A wall planner. A meal planner.
• Choose a delicious treat. A cake, macaroons (my current indulgence), artisan chocolates – whatever feels like it’s really going to hit the ‘mmmmm… delicious’ spot.

Here’s the thing:

These suggestions may not sound like much. Or they might sound like they’re asking the world, for not much return. But what I’m learning is that it’s not huge gestures that make a difference, it’s collecting moments dedicated to you.

I hope that you find 20 minutes of rest, support and care for yourself this weekend, and that you invest 20 quid in something that you love, and that lifts you up.

Report back – I’d love to hear what you choose.

With so much care for all the parts of you that are feeling tired and guilty,

Jx