here's the thing Archives - Page 22 of 44

Here's the thing: building something better

The last few weeks have been eventful. I probably don’t need to tell you that.

EU referendum results. Orlando. Shootings. Leadership battles. Demonstrations for many things. This morning, as I write, I’m waking up to news of Nice and Bastille Day attacks. A new wave of fear and violence.

As humans, I think we’re programmed to try and make sense of things. Except it doesn’t feel like there is much sense in the world right now! Politicians are imperfect, working for their own ends. Humans are flawed and hurt and selfish and, well, stupid. And causing other humans more hurt and anger and injustice.

We try to make sense of things, and yet life goes on, in its imperfect way. Orders still come in. Work still has to get done. People try to sell us stuff. School holidays come anyway, as if they don’t know the world has been shaken up over and over again.

I’ve been thinking about that song, ‘The End Of The World’:

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
‘Cause you don’t love me any more

Okay, so it’s about personal loss. But that sense of the world continuing, ignorant of our human chaos and pain, that certainly resonates for me.

It’s also been hard to make sense of things when there also seems like a disproportionate amount of personal loss or challenge for people around me. Friends and clients have lost family members recently, or had battles at work that have left them depleted, or been ill themselves. Add that to a general sense of fear and uncertainty (sometimes doom), and we’ve got a crisis.

I’ve continued to settle into a new city and live my life as best I can, which includes tears and worry anyway, even when the world doesn’t seem like it’s falling apart. I’ve had the emotional ups and downs of launching Copper Boom Studio. (I have SO MUCH to tell you about that and about a whole load of awesome Christmas Support stuff I’m working on, but it’s all going to have to wait until another day.)

Because today I want to share a few truths I’ve come to. Not a way to fix the world or to provide a guarantee of safety and happiness. But truths about what I see, ways to be in this uncertain world.

After weeks of tiredness and tears (okay, and a whole bout of them in the last 24 hours, too), I’m ready to stand up for building something better. On the other side of despair is hope. And I’m a big believer in hope. I seek it out often. I like to see opportunities for ways in which things can be better – it’s one of my inherent talents, honed over a lifetime.

So here’s the thing…

We can build better. In light of everything that doesn’t work. In light of bad decisions. In light of injustice and human error. What we see is ways the world can and needs to improve.

Okay, I’m not planning on personally figuring out any kind of Brexit plan for the UK. And I’m unlikely to overturn all the bigotry and racism in the world. Although I will speak up when I see it.

We need more love. More truth. More compassion. More firm voices doing something positive and different.

These are the things we can do. These are the things that I feel are essential to my work in the world.

And doing something positive and different are the unique traits of small businesses and entrepreneurs. We have an autonomy and a voice that allows for small battles to be won. Working in a meaningful way that values human life. Spreading messages that are compassionate and true and that lift up the world, rather than succumbing to fear.

Maybe running your own business feels vulnerable and hard and not of any value. Maybe you don’t feel like you can change anything. You’re just trying to make a living and there are commercial practices and rules and things other people are doing that prevent you from making a difference.

I hear your fear. Truly. But I also know that it’s not true.

On the other side of fear, you can find meaning. You can create products that are meaningful. You can sell in places that are doing positive work. Or you can sell in places that bring in all the cash so that you have resources to do the meaningful work. You can use your buying power and employing power and creative power to make people’s lives better. You can spread kindness, little by little.

This is my plan. Last year, it became clear that my work in the world is to lift people up, to support them in living their best lives, running the businesses they truly want, feeling better, often through healing old hurts and challenges.

This has never been more true or more important.

I have Copper Boom, chock full of resource to help people look better, feel better about about their businesses, and get more stuff done. It’s practical, and I’m proud of that. But we work in love. To be on a photoshoot with my team is to see unconditional love for products and businesses that will benefit from our care and attention and time.

And I have mentoring. The one-on-one conversations that have the opportunity to add clarity, to uncover something we didn’t know was there, to bolster against challenge and fear. This is what I’m drawn back to, over and over again.

I have retreats and workshops and writing. I have a Christmas Support package that will open for registration next week in which I will be bringing something new and different to planning for that busy old time.

I am committed to building something different, something better. As always, I am committed to healing myself and the world, because I honestly don’t know what else I would do. (Despair. Endlessly.)

I also know that, in order to do this big important work, I need to have a base line of energy. So self-care, even when I see the world full of people who need more care than me, is vital.

Here are some ideas:

Early nights. I’m an advocate for sleep, that’s for sure, but especially when the emotional strain is high. I’m endeavouring to get to bed early and winding down slowly.
Feeling the feelings. We can get caught in suppressing our feelings when they’re big and scary and vulnerable and uncertain. But feelings are meant to be felt, and then they move on. If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to be really angry, I find a safe space to let it out.
Connecting. I think one of the reasons Facebook is so addictive, even when it’s not actually helping, is because it gives us a sense of connection, which we really need right now. But rather than trying to find it in the numbed-out world of social media, try it in the real world. Call a friend, talk to a partner, spend time with real people. Make eye contact.
Write a list of what you stand for. I find this so helpful to clarify what I’m working for, what I’m living for.
Make something with your hands. I probably don’t need to tell creatives this, but physically making something can feel like it’s filling you up. Knitting. Drawing. Cooking. Painting. Whatever feels good to you.

Trust that self-care is vital. Trust that you can build something better than before.

And if there’s anything I can do to help, I’d love to hear from you.

Here's the thing: the relationship between procrastination and self-belief

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t procrastinated over something at some point.

In fact, when I’m talking with clients, the subject often pings up. Those things that you know you should do, and even want to do, but just can’t quite summon the get-up-and-go to do it.

Yep, me too.

There are plenty of things that I push into the magical time called “tomorrow”. Or I sit down to write or work on a spreadsheet and I find ten thousand other things to do.

Sometimes it’s procrastinating putting the washing on. Sometimes it’s procrastinating sending the email (or even looking at emails). Sometimes it’s getting something new going. Recently, I’ve been procrastinating because of my fear of success.

And what I’ve realised is this: procrastination is all about self-belief.

But often we don’t see it that way. We tell ourselves the story that we’re lazy or that the hard thing we’re trying to do isn’t right (because it isn’t easy). We think that if we just push harder, we’ll get there. Productivity is just about slicing up time differently, right? If I put a timer on for 10 minutes, it’ll be magical, won’t it?

The answer to those questions is: sometimes. If your self-belief is almost there, then yes, tips and tricks and tools can help to get you over the hump. But if there’s a bigger deficit in your self-belief, or if you haven’t realised that that’s what’s going on, you need more than just a shove in the right direction.

Here’s the thing:

If you’re struggling with self-belief, if you’re stuck in a pattern of procrastination, ask yourself the following questions. These aren’t quick fixes, but prompts to help you target the source of your procrastination, rather than shove you out of it as quickly as possible.

What’s the ultimate goal of what you’re trying to do? It’s easy, once we’ve added something to the to-do list, to lose track of why it’s actually important. It can become just another item to tick off, rather than a really beneficial task that adds value. Take a moment to remember what your aim is, and see if that shifts the feelings around the task at hand.
What’s your fear? Let me tell you what 99% of clients say when I ask this question: failure. We’re all afraid of failure, because our culture tells us perfection (especially perfection that looks easy and effortless) is the only way. Write down what you’re afraid of, so that you can start to separate from it. Imagine turning the volume down on the fear, or gently giving it a cup of tea and a book so you can get on with things. You can’t fail at your own life.
What are your beliefs about yourself? Spend some time digging into the deeper, subconscious levels of beliefs you might be holding on to that aren’t true. Do you believe you’re allowed to be successful? Do you believe you deserve a clean kitchen or an organised social media calendar? It might be that your demons are holding you back from moving forward. Give them some air so that you can re-write the story. (And: re-writing the story is often helped by doing the thing you’re not sure you deserve yet. Show yourself you’re worthy by doing it.)
How would you help someone else feel better about this task? We’re often much gentler and kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Imagine your best friend or daughter or even a customer was trying to do what you’re procrastinating about. What would you say to them? What gentle way in would you find for them? How would you structure a list or a project management tool for them?
How can you reward yourself when the task is done? Perhaps you’ll treat yourself to a lovely break, or a new book. Perhaps you’ll write yourself a note of appreciation. You could even ask a friend (or mentor) for accountability so that they can give you a gold star when you’re done. Maybe your reward will be the self-belief you create by doing the thing, or getting a good night’s sleep because you’re not worried as much.

When you’re stuck in procrastination, anything that promotes your self-care, that encourages you to trust yourself, is going to help. It may seem counter-intuitive, but self-belief is long-term, and needs regular tending.

For me, it’s about writing it all out, giving myself the water and fuel I need, and creating a nice atmosphere to do the work I need to do. I often think of myself as a client, and what I would want to do for them. Yes, I’d want to tidy up their kitchen and order them nice food and write things out in a pretty and achievable list. So that’s what I do for myself.

What’s helpful for you? Do you have a certain thing you’re procrastinating at the moment?

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Here's the thing: slowing down

So, it’s nearly a month (already!) since my 2016 retreat. As with last year, I found that the retreat weekend is an eye-opener for me as well as for the attendees, and this year, having moved house and had some time off, I’ve been left with some revelations.

One of which is: it’s time to change gear and slow down.

I know for so many of my clients, this is counter-intuitive. For so many of us, especially creatives and visionaries, we want to be changing UP a gear, moving forward faster and moving up as high as we can. Don’t get me wrong, I have a whole heap of ambition. And a whole list of projects (including my Big New Idea).

And so much of my ambition and inspiration comes from within me and within my work. I get inspired by the clients I work with. I listen to them and their challenges, and I can think of lots of ways I want to help. Or I simply have a growing need within me to do something new.

But there’s also part of that ambition and inspiration that is driven by fear or comparison, and that doesn’t feel so good to me. First of all, I don’t need it. I’ve got enough ideas and scope without needing any more fire behind me to get me moving. Second, I don’t want to be driven by fear, or by what other people are doing.

There are people and businesses way ahead of me – people who’ve been building their businesses for years and years.

There are people who started out (or have since received) way more financial backing or other support than me.

There are people who have a team, even of just two, to carry the load of running a business.

I cannot expect myself to live up to what other people are doing. I don’t know the truth of what’s going on in their business, anyway, no matter how shiny and amazing it looks from the outside.

For me, it’s really the people further down the road than me that get me. I want to be there already! I’m impatient, and like many creatives, I am visionary, so I can see myself further down the line, even when I’m many years (probably) away.

So here’s the thing: I’m slowing down

My ambition and vision aren’t going anywhere and, rather than push myself to the limits, I’ve decided to trust that they’re sticking around. This is what’s going to keep me going in the long run.

That means cutting back on the number of projects I’m trying to plan, launch, and think about. It means I’m going to let business run as usual (rather than pushing it to grow, fast) while I work on the Big New Idea. And it means that I’ll be planning way more time around each activity, so that I can do things slowly.

This is not easy for me. At all.

I like working fast. I like doing things. I like calming the fear that says, “If you don’t do this now, someone else will.” Sound familiar?

But more than anything, I want to be sat in two, five, 10, 20 years’ time able to say: “I built this my way, and it has stayed the distance. I’m so glad I built it right. I’m so glad I didn’t burn out along the way. It’s such a pleasure to live this life, to do this work, and to bloom in my own right timing.”

So. Who’s with me?

So here’s the thing…

I hear your fear. Truly. But I also know that it’s not true.

And what I’ve realised is this: procrastination is all about self-belief.

Here’s the thing:

One of which is: it’s time to change gear and slow down.

So here’s the thing: I’m slowing down

Enter The Forge