Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.

This week I found myself wondering about how we support ourselves, and how we gather support from others. There’s a lot of stuff out there about how we’re supposed to be totally self-reliant in business, in our emotions, and in our lives. There’s a lot of emphasis put on the importance of independence at all costs.

I struggle to see and read and take in those messages. When I see something on Pinterest or watch a film that’s all “if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself”, I get a little uncomfortable. There’s a plethora of Pinterest stuff in the region of “good things come to those who hustle” and I think, you know what? I’m not going to perpetuate that belief.

Because good things also come to those who support themselves, support others, and receive help where they find it.

And I value my independence, I truly do. I left my job earlier this year so that I could be more in charge of my life, and have more freedom.

I know that that’s something a lot of self-employed entrepreneurs are motivated by: being in charge of their own lives, time, creative pursuits. It’s really important! It’s also really great.

And I really believe that, at the heart of it, we can only really count on ourselves. It’s vitally important that we can take care of ourselves and give what we need. If we’re always looking outside ourselves for The Answer, then we can’t truly find all the stuff that makes us happy.

But.

I believe no (wo)man is an island. We are all connected. We all rely on other people in some way.

In the grand scheme of things, we each contribute support and require support at different times and in different ways. I draw upon the wisdom of others in order to build my life and my business the way I choose. I have a wonderful coach who shares her experience of building a personal service-based business, as well as her expertise in other areas. To have someone who can really listen to what I’m going through, relate, and offer a different perspective – it’s so helpful!

And she has a coach, and finds support through other people. It’s a big old chain that goes in big wiggly circles – we truly are all walking each other home, lighting the way at times, and following the light at others.

So here’s the thing:

First and foremost, let’s all just commit to understanding more about how we can support ourselves. For me and most people I know, this is an ongoing practice. I learn how much something supports me, and then I forget. I have days when it’s easy to ask for help or do something positive, and days when I’m incredibly stubborn and run myself into the ground.

But just as important, I believe we also need to be conscious of the help and support we receive from others. And this requires discretion.

I’m very discerning about whose thoughts I allow to come into contact with mine. I unsubscribe from newsletters that don’t resonate. I never read the Daily Mail (it makes me super angry). I choose to hear from people who are lighting my way.

Because I’m discerning, it’s easier to remember that other people don’t have The Answer. Most of the people I follow and look to for wisdom and support are authentic and human. They have rough edges. They have rough days. Their imperfection helps my recovering perfectionist, and I don’t (often) get caught up in “I have to do it exactly like them”. I strengthen my own beliefs and practices through hearing about theirs.

And, when someone’s said something really awesome, I tend to tell them. This is a new thing for me, as I’ve built my own business and started blogging more. To know when someone has found something helpful is so rewarding, and lets me know I’m on the right track. So I’ve been doing it more. Lord knows, Mara Glatzel has had about a dozen emails from me, simply saying, “YES! Thank you, totally needed this today.”

I haven’t written much about giving support, because I kind of feel like most of us are programmed to do it anyway… Perhaps that’s for another post soon.

All this to say: allow yourself to be walked home by people who resonate. Let them know when they’re onto something that supports you.

I believe it makes a difference to us, collectively. And thank you to everyone who has responded to my posts and emails. It has made a difference to me, individually.

Jx

Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.

My name is Jenny and I’m a recovering perfectionist.

It’s really, really tough being both creative and leaning towards perfection. You get frustrated at the first hurdle. As soon as you can’t do something, you get frustrated that it doesn’t look how it did in your head.

A tough blow.

When you have perfectionistic tendencies, you gravitate towards doing stuff that satisfies your inner critic. For me, that meant proof-reading and spreadsheets and double-checking everything. I did a LOT of that. In my work in publishing. At notonthehighstreet.com. In my own life. For several years.

I tipped myself out of balance. All that proofing and trying to make it seem like a human didn’t write it – that it was processed as if automated by a computer – all of that was exhausting. It squashed my genuine need to create and be real.

Don’t get me wrong, I still proof stuff, double-check it and work in spreadsheets (where computers check my maths and formulas). I still love that. It’s important to high quality work.

But here’s the thing:

I want human error. I want human contact. We can’t remove it. Or at least, I don’t want to. From the food I eat to the stuff I use every day to the jewellery I love – I want to honour that another human (or group of humans, series of humans) helped to get it to me. Yes, machines can be handy and efficient. But I want humans, too.

So I want human error. If that personalisation in my carefully chosen piece of jewellery is hand-stamped, I want to see the wibbles and wobbles. If the pie from the farmers’ market has a wonky crust, I’m cool with that. If someone has stretched to the end of their limits to create something that’s almost-perfect, I really appreciate that.

That’s the perfectly-imperfect I’m after: it’s real, it’s authentic, it’s sustainable.

Jx

PS If you’re also a recovering perfectionist (or even not quite recovering) and you’re heading into Christmas with a big old worry about it being completely perfect and amazing, take a look at Progress not perfection – my new ecourse that kicks off later this month.