The summer months are a strange time of year for small businesses. Sales can be disrupted, unpredictable. Sometimes too many, catching you off guard, and sometimes there are too few, making it feel a bit like tumbleweeds are blowing around the internet.

It’s a time when we take on projects, trying to tackle things ‘over the summer’ and ‘before Christmas’, so our to-do lists are often fuller than they need to be, because we’re trying to cram in extra stuff.

And, if you have children (or your staff do), it can be chaos of the highest order. The pressure of balancing childcare with a business is precarious at the best of times, but summer holidays are particularly hard to handle. There’s guilt, too, just make things even more fun.

Perhaps, like many of my clients, you have a wild and raving inner landscape of guilt – for not working harder on your business, for not giving your children ‘enough’ time, for neglecting friends and family, for having a messy home.

Before we go any further, I just want you to put down the guilt.

The idea of the woman who does it all without even breaking a sweat is an illusion. Perfection is a myth. And you are superwoman for simply keeping going (and even if you want to just stop).

And I mean that for anyone reading, male or female, parent or not.

This week, as we come to the end of August, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the summer and the year so far, to enjoy the final days of light, and to be really really kind to ourselves.

So, I’m asking you to give yourself 20 minutes and £20.

Now, I feel like I can already hear the gremlins creeping in. “She’s not talking about me.” “That’s nice for other people, but I couldn’t possibly.” “This is for her other readers.” “I can’t afford the time or the money.” “[derisive laugh]”

Well, listen here, gremlins! I know that you want to stay small and stressed, because you think that’s the way to safety. I know you love the idea of perfection, and that you think it’s achievable, and that it absolutely doesn’t include kindness or wholeness or rest.

To you, reader: you deserve 20 minutes of your own time and attention. You deserve (and can afford) £20 to spend on something purely for you. And if you’re wondering what “they” will think – partners, children, friends, family, colleagues – if they care for you, they’re going to know this is necessary and super good for you. Even if they don’t immediately like it or support it, they’ll see the difference afterwards. And if you don’t ask for 20 minutes and £20 from yourself, you don’t even let them show that it’s okay.

Let start with 20 minutes.

First, you need this to be 20 minutes all to yourself. Some of the suggestions below include a friend – this person needs to be someone who can absolutely cheer you on. There will be no children, no one who needs something for you, in these 20 minutes. Ask for someone to look after the kids.

You also need to remove distractions like email and social media. Put your phone in another room. Turn your metaphorical (or real) shop sign to ‘Closed’.

Start by closing your eyes and taking five full, deep breaths. You’re already letting go. Choose something that feels really nourishing, from this list, or your own inspiration:

• Grab a pen and paper, and write down everything you’re grateful for, right now, in this moment.
• Write yourself a love letter, including all the things you’ve done and all the things you love about yourself (flaws and all).
• For parents, write down the moments you have shared with your children this summer. Note down the ways they’re growing up, and what you’re loving about them right now.
• Meditate. Here’s an initial prompt. Then sit or lie quietly in a darkened room for the remaining 18 minutes. Allow thoughts to float away. Listen to your breathing. Let go.
• Take a walk around your neighbourhood or home. Notice nature. Silently tell yourself what you like as you look around.
• Listen to this TEDx Talk by Brene Brown.
• Put some of your favourite music on, and just listen to it, possibly with dancing. Or play my meditation playlist and sit quietly.
• Paint, draw or doodle – freely or with the intention to say thank you to the summer.
• Take a bath. 20 minutes is actually plenty.
• Read a magazine or (non-work) book for the absolute joy of it. (I’m currently re-reading Harry Potter. Hell, yes!)

Now that you’ve spent some quality time with yourself, it’s time to give yourself a gift. £20, spent wisely, can boost your happiness, and you can show yourself that you’re worth investing in and caring for. I’ve included some ideas below, but beware – choose something that feels really right, really nourishing, really you.

• Get a bunch of your favourite flowers and put them in a favourite vase or around the home. A little vase on your bedside table – just, purely, for you – can be a lovely sight to wake up to. Bloom & Wild and Bunches are good online options.
• Choose an aromatherapy oil blend to use throughout the day. Smells can be so uplifting! Try Neal’s Yard Remedies for good smelling things.
• Similarly, a gorgeous scented candle can be a great way to add a little magic to your evenings (or your bath).
• Take yourself out for lunch. Take a friend (a really, really good one, who’ll listen and laugh with ease), or take a book. Make it really delicious.
• Order a takeaway. Again, delicious. And make it your choice. Do not defer to what your husband, child or bestie prefers. You. They can fend for themselves.
• Get a really nice notebook that’s dedicated just for you – your thoughts, dreams, care.
• Give yourself the gift of a great bath. You don’t have to spend a lot to add something new or something special. Epsom salts, bath oils, body scrubs – but make them something you really love.
• Choose your favourite of these prints.
• Get an encouraging talisman – a piece or jewellery or small token – that reminds you to take care of yourself. I love Soul Mantras and gave them to clients at Christmas.
• Buy new socks. I know this sounds a bit random, but sometimes we neglect even the basics, so if you’ve been needing new socks (or, ahem, pants) for a while, choose some uplifting ones.
• That magazine or book or DVD that could wait because it felt like an indulgence? Get it. Anticipate it. Enjoy it.
• Give yourself the gift of organisation. A family planner. A wall planner. A meal planner.
• Choose a delicious treat. A cake, macaroons (my current indulgence), artisan chocolates – whatever feels like it’s really going to hit the ‘mmmmm… delicious’ spot.

Here’s the thing:

These suggestions may not sound like much. Or they might sound like they’re asking the world, for not much return. But what I’m learning is that it’s not huge gestures that make a difference, it’s collecting moments dedicated to you.

I hope that you find 20 minutes of rest, support and care for yourself this weekend, and that you invest 20 quid in something that you love, and that lifts you up.

Report back – I’d love to hear what you choose.

With so much care for all the parts of you that are feeling tired and guilty,

Jx

I’ll start by saying this: this post is honest, open, and perhaps a little raw. If you’re not up for that, you’re in the wrong place.

Recently, I’ve been balancing a lot of stuff. Work, change, going on holiday, creating a home, building a life. I don’t know about you, but I’m a pretty sensitive person, as well as being an introvert. So, with a little over a year of building a business based on putting myself out there, I’ve been feeling out of balance, unsure, and out of sync with myself.

You might have noticed that I haven’t blogged in the last couple of weeks. That’s because I’ve a) been busy, and b) hidden from showing myself more than I already have. In July, I ran a four-week online course, which included lots of videos and writing and sharing my thoughts on running an online business. And my introverted self decided I needed some time off from putting myself out there.

The thing is, I didn’t sit myself down and think about this. I knew I had a lot of work to do – more than I had anticipated – but I put my reluctance to blog or post down to that, rather than admit that I was feeling kind of over-exposed.

In reality, I started telling myself that I wasn’t doing well enough, that I needed to work harder, and that I was a fraud.

That last one stings.

I’m fairly used to the voice in my head that tells me I’m not doing well enough and need to work harder – I’ve built up some fairly decent resilience to that.

The fraud thing, though. That’s new. That has built up since I’ve been self-employed, because there’s a critical voice in my head that says, ‘How can you possibly advise people on running a business?’ It says, ‘Who are you to tell other people what to do with their business?’

And then it packs the final punch: ‘You’re not perfect. You’re not running the perfect business.’

Ah, the perfection myth. Hello, old friend.

Let me tell you what I believe: I believe we’re all human, and that human nature, our existence, is imperfect. I believe perfection is, indeed, a myth. It’s unattainable, designed to keep us small, miserable, and feeling crappy. It’s very very different from healthy striving, from motivation to do a good job, from progress.

Let me tell you what I am: I am imperfect. I am someone who makes mistakes. I am a copywriter, a writer, who sometimes misses typos (especially when I’m over-worked or over-excited). I am spontaneous and intuitive, rather than strict and disciplined. I am enthusiastic and passionate, and I let my heart lead the way as often as I can (with my head on hand should I need it).

I spend my days helping other entrepreneurs and creatives develop their businesses. I often talk to clients about blogging regularly (so the fact that I haven’t recently, boy, you can imagine how my gremlins take that). I advise on being more efficient. I support clients who need to take a break or reduce their output because they’ve taken on too much.

I talk about all these things, but that doesn’t mean I’ve mastered them completely every single time. I’m still learning. I have a head-start on most things. I’ve already done a lot of the work.

But I know that I’ll never reach “perfect”.

So here’s the thing:

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I’m a recovering perfectionist. The last couple of months have, apparently, been a new lesson in my recovery.

And while I could happily sit here and grit my teeth and be frustrated that I have to learn the bloody lesson again, I’m also grateful for it. Because, seriously, I don’t want to be perfect. I don’t want to fake it. If I’m not learning, doesn’t that mean the journey’s over, anyway?

If you find yourself feeling a fraud, feeling like you’re not allowed to do something, or think something, or feel something, I thoroughly recommend taking some time out to examine what’s going on.

Sure, if you try to pass off someone else’s work as your own, or lie with an open face and a smile, you might want to think about actual fraudulent activity.

But otherwise, likelihood is, you’ve got some gremlins and some perfectionism that needs acknowledging.

You’re more than welcome to hang on to the perfection myth if you’re not ready to dig into this. I work with and know so many people who aren’t ready – and that’s their choice and their path. For me, it’s not authentic to try to put on a mask of perfect. I don’t want people to think I’m something I’m not.

So when you’re ready to join the anti-perfection party, the perfectly imperfect, know this: it’s not always easy. It’s not always socially acceptable. You’ll learn who your friends are. You’ll learn who you are. And you’ll be in really good company.

Jx

I love this wistful quote: “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” (Zora Neale Hurston)

And perhaps I haven’t found them yet, but my experience that it isn’t necessarily years, but days, weeks, months. Sometimes it’s even hours that ask and hours that answer.

This idea of cycles, of moving through different periods of busy-ness, is an important one when you’re self-employed. It’s an idea to embrace, rather than be fearful of. It’s an idea to make work for you.

Because we all go through cycles. The creative process is cyclical. The world is bound by seasons. So are sales and customers. We move in peaks and troughs in all aspects of our lives. We get hungry, we eat, we’re full, we wait until we’re hungry again.

Once you accept that it’s going to happen, you can start to make it work for you.

For me, right now, I feel like I’m gathering. Ideas, questions, energy – it’s all about asking, sitting with it, but waiting for the answer. This is part of my creative process. I have to allow ideas and thoughts to germinate and take seed. I have to uncover a bit more about who I am and what I want to do. And while I’m doing that, it’s hard to answer questions clearly. So I don’t. I simply ask.

I have a client who is pregnant, and we’ve been working on a business plan that’s going to allow her to take time off, but we’ve also been working on the concept that this is the year to slow down the growth. If any year’s going to be slow, if any year’s going to be steady, it’s going to be this year. It needs to be this year.

I had a conversation with another client this week, who finds that pull at the end of her creative cycle – once she’s designed, prototyped, made, photographed, launched products, it’s not long until she’s bored with them and onto the next thing. This is fairly typical for creative people, and that energy for the next thing is certainly valuable. But we’ve also talked about slowing down the end of that cycle, so that she gets to reap the rewards of all that creativity.

We can’t always control the seasonality of our businesses. Sometimes things are busier, sometimes they slow down. There are those external cycles, as well as our internal ones.

And while it can be frustrating to have inconsistent and unpredictable sales patterns, or extremely high peaks and low troughs, there is a level of acceptance, I think, that’s necessary.

(That’s not to say you can’t work to increase low-season sales, or increase your baseline – that’s possible too.)

Here’s the thing

Cycles work best when we work with them, not against them.

It’s easier when we allow ourselves to ask the questions, without immediately hunting out for the answer. It’s clearer when we allow the idea to become fully developed.

Balance is an ideal so many of us aspire to, and I certainly look for it on a day to day basis. But it’s found in cycles. It’s found in being busy, and then resting. In having an idea, allowing it to grow, and then working towards the launch.

Are you asking or answering today?

Are there parts that need answering, and others that need asking?

Where are you out of balance? Perhaps there’s something you need to focus on as you cycle through the high summer?

I would love to hear where you are in your own personal cycle. And I’d love to hear how you find the commercial cycle of your business.

Much love and bags of kindness

Jenny x