authenticity Archives - Page 2 of 2

Tell me if this message feels familiar:

“Be yourself, be unique, be original, but only if it looks good on Pinterest and Instagram, and is hand-drawn, organic, on-trend, entirely creative. Oh, and perfect.”

I feel like that’s the message we’re given all the time. Full of pressure, uncertainty, subtlety we don’t understand, and rules we can’t follow. That first bit about being ourselves sounds great, right? We want to be ourselves. We are unique and original, and we want to show it! And we want it to matter.

But recently I’ve been feeling the pull of that elusive thing about being cool, about fitting in, about following the trend-setter rules. And I know you feel them too, those implicit hidden agendas.

As Brene Brown (my fave) says, “fitting in” gets in the way of real belonging. We all know how to hustle for approval, for the sense of belonging we crave. We know how to tweak and adapt and change who we are, what we say, what we like, so that people will like us.

And sometimes, we get caught up in hustling in our business lives as well as our personal lives. (When we’re our own boss, our business and personal lives are so interlinked. And that’s okay, we just need to be aware of it.)

So, how do we make sure we’re being truly authentic, whilst also being our best selves (and our best businesses)?

Let go of perfection. No one is perfect. Everyone has their own blend of creativity, of things they like and dislike, of things they’re good at and not so good at. All your imperfections are okay, right now, even if you haven’t made a sale today, or haven’t lost the weight yet, or whatever your “not good enough” thing is.

Decide what your quality markers are. This is where we get to hold ourselves accountable to the standards we believe in. How do you tell that something’s ready to be put out in the world? (And yes, sometimes it’s a wing and a prayer sort of situation…) For me, I know a blog is right when it speaks from the heart, when I have a piece of truth I want to tell. I don’t worry about whether it is exactly what everyone needs to hear. I’ve stopped worrying that I’m the only one who’s imperfect. I know that truth-telling is essential to me.

You might decide a certain quality level of photo is essential for you, so as long as you’ve got that, you’re good to go, even if you don’t have a witty caption, or a relevant link. You might decide that the spirit of the thing is more important than composition — or the other way around. Reflect what’s important to you.

Check your motivation. If you’re designing something, posting something, saying something, in order to “fit in” or look cool, question yourself. Is this really what you want to be putting out in the world? Do you want to be succumbing to peer pressure, to the unspoken rules that no one understands? Are you looking for validation from people? Ask for feedback from trusted supporters, by all means, but don’t ask Facebook to validate your decisions for you. Only you can do that.

Do you really like pastels, or are you just picking up a trend that other people like? Are you a hand-drawn brand, or is that just what’s cool right now?

Don’t be afraid to claim what you love. Even if everyone else in the world loves it too. Even if it’s featured on A Beautiful Mess. If you love it, you get to talk about it too. How often to we shy away from things because we feel like it’s been done before? And sometimes we try to say ‘Me too’ a little too urgently, in case our opportunity to have what we love slips away. In case there isn’t enough for us too. Believe you can have it, and quietly, patiently, claim it in your own way.

Consider this:

“If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.”

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.

Last week, I had a big realisation that, for me, it’s about substance over style. I don’t want to look good without also being good. It was a big ‘aha!’ moment for me, and it came out of planning for my retreat. I had a wobble about whether I had good enough goody bag, whether it was big enough, glamorous enough. But the thing is, the retreat isn’t about glossy magazines or going home with lots of swag. It’s about getting good rest, and good business decisions. Way more substance than style. (It’ll still look good, but I’m not about giving people superficial. It’s got to be real to be meaningful for me.)

So I hope this is helpful and gives you some ideas on how to be your best, authentic self as you put your ideas and designs out in the world.

Have a great weekend!

Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.

One of the most challenging things about running a business that’s just you and your creations is talking yourself up – also known as “selling yourself”. (Which sounds dodgy and undesirable. So let’s call it self-promotion instead.)

Over the last couple of months, I’ve had several conversations with people who are pretty uncomfortable with putting themselves out there for PR, about pages, acknowledgements, and even awards.

Now, I’m not saying you have to do anything. I’m not saying you have to move drastically out of your comfort zone. There are plenty of successful business that quietly go about their business, creating awesome stuff and selling it. They don’t have awards or trophies. They do just fine.

But.

There are benefits to being able to talk confidently about yourself. Putting yourself out there can be good for your business. The trick – and the challenge – is to do it with authenticity.

Being authentic in what you say about yourself not only gives people a realistic impression, it is also absolutely vital for your own sense of self. Go out there and say something you don’t really mean, and you’ll get the heeby-jeebies afterwards. You’ll feel like you did yourself a disservice, that you let yourself down, that you can’t ever see those people again because what you told them wasn’t true and they’ll think you’re a fraud.

And guess what? Self-promotion won’t seem like something you want to do at all.

On the other hand, if you talk about yourself with confidence, courage and compassion, you’ll very likely have a totally different experience. We all know when we’ve read something authentic, that’s from the heart and honest. Not honest in that too-honest, nervous breakdown way, but really thoughtful and considered. You can do that, too.

I promise, when you’re really in touch with your own authenticity, your audience (whoever they may be) will connect with you more.

That’s not to say everyone will love you and you’ll suddenly win 10,000 awards. But you’ll have put something good out there into the world. The people who like you, the ones who comment or buy from you or give you the press feature – they’ll be doing it because they really mean it.

And I believe anyone who sticks their head up over the parapet with something honest and authentic to say is worthy of all the awards. In fact, I think anyone running their own business deserves a big old trophy on their wall. You’re awesome. FACT.

So here’s the thing:

Write yourself up. Not because there’s one specific award you want to enter or PR feature you want to win. Write yourself up because it’s good practice for when you do want those things. And it’s great to have stuff on file that you can refer to.

Some tips for finding good and authentic stuff to say about yourself:

Find three things you’re really good at or proud of. Maybe no-one else has done them before, or you really beat the odds to do something. Maybe you’re always the first to see the silver lining. Or your business is completely eco-friendly. Or you’ve built a business with no external investment. Or you’ve built a business and a family all in the space of 5 years. Or you’ve designed incredible bestsellers in between hospital visits (for whatever reason) – it’s not a sob story, it’s your truth.
Uncover the story. Whether it’s an award or a journalist, they want a story. They want to know the beginning, middle and end of your success. How did you start out? What were the obstacles? How did you overcome them? What’s the next bit? Where will it take you? And you don’t have to try to seem perfect. If it was bloody hard and took you 25 goes, that shows that you’re resilient and hardcore, which might just be what they’re looking for.
Think of yourself as a friend you love and respect. Or a daughter or younger relative you adore. What would you say about yourself through those eyes? Maybe you suddenly see the quiet but passionate light in your eyes. Perhaps it’s suddenly clear how amazing it is that you’ve made 10,000 customers happy. It’s all true.

This is an exercise is self-belief. No two ways about it. And the dark, sinister voices in your head (let’s call them Fear and Vulnerability) don’t want you to believe it for a second – too risky. Well, F and V, you can F right off!

There is business sense in believing in yourself. There’s a whole load of other stuff too, but I have a feeling if I tell you it’s for the good of your business, it might seem a bit more essential…

Just do ten minutes this weekend. I dare you.

What’s your best foot? Do you have tips on presenting yourself? I’d love to hear!

Here's the thing: being your best self

“If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.”

Here's the thing: Self-promotion

So here’s the thing:

Enter The Forge