Here's the thing: the relationship between procrastination and self-belief

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t procrastinated over something at some point.

In fact, when I’m talking with clients, the subject often pings up. Those things that you know you should do, and even want to do, but just can’t quite summon the get-up-and-go to do it.

Yep, me too.

There are plenty of things that I push into the magical time called “tomorrow”. Or I sit down to write or work on a spreadsheet and I find ten thousand other things to do.

Sometimes it’s procrastinating putting the washing on. Sometimes it’s procrastinating sending the email (or even looking at emails). Sometimes it’s getting something new going. Recently, I’ve been procrastinating because of my fear of success.

And what I’ve realised is this: procrastination is all about self-belief.

But often we don’t see it that way. We tell ourselves the story that we’re lazy or that the hard thing we’re trying to do isn’t right (because it isn’t easy). We think that if we just push harder, we’ll get there. Productivity is just about slicing up time differently, right? If I put a timer on for 10 minutes, it’ll be magical, won’t it?

The answer to those questions is: sometimes. If your self-belief is almost there, then yes, tips and tricks and tools can help to get you over the hump. But if there’s a bigger deficit in your self-belief, or if you haven’t realised that that’s what’s going on, you need more than just a shove in the right direction.

Here’s the thing:

If you’re struggling with self-belief, if you’re stuck in a pattern of procrastination, ask yourself the following questions. These aren’t quick fixes, but prompts to help you target the source of your procrastination, rather than shove you out of it as quickly as possible.

1. What’s the ultimate goal of what you’re trying to do? It’s easy, once we’ve added something to the to-do list, to lose track of why it’s actually important. It can become just another item to tick off, rather than a really beneficial task that adds value. Take a moment to remember what your aim is, and see if that shifts the feelings around the task at hand.
2. What’s your fear? Let me tell you what 99% of clients say when I ask this question: failure. We’re all afraid of failure, because our culture tells us perfection (especially perfection that looks easy and effortless) is the only way. Write down what you’re afraid of, so that you can start to separate from it. Imagine turning the volume down on the fear, or gently giving it a cup of tea and a book so you can get on with things. You can’t fail at your own life.
3. What are your beliefs about yourself? Spend some time digging into the deeper, subconscious levels of beliefs you might be holding on to that aren’t true. Do you believe you’re allowed to be successful? Do you believe you deserve a clean kitchen or an organised social media calendar? It might be that your demons are holding you back from moving forward. Give them some air so that you can re-write the story. (And: re-writing the story is often helped by doing the thing you’re not sure you deserve yet. Show yourself you’re worthy by doing it.)
4. How would you help someone else feel better about this task? We’re often much gentler and kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Imagine your best friend or daughter or even a customer was trying to do what you’re procrastinating about. What would you say to them? What gentle way in would you find for them? How would you structure a list or a project management tool for them?
5. How can you reward yourself when the task is done? Perhaps you’ll treat yourself to a lovely break, or a new book. Perhaps you’ll write yourself a note of appreciation. You could even ask a friend (or mentor) for accountability so that they can give you a gold star when you’re done. Maybe your reward will be the self-belief you create by doing the thing, or getting a good night’s sleep because you’re not worried as much.

When you’re stuck in procrastination, anything that promotes your self-care, that encourages you to trust yourself, is going to help. It may seem counter-intuitive, but self-belief is long-term, and needs regular tending.

For me, it’s about writing it all out, giving myself the water and fuel I need, and creating a nice atmosphere to do the work I need to do. I often think of myself as a client, and what I would want to do for them. Yes, I’d want to tidy up their kitchen and order them nice food and write things out in a pretty and achievable list. So that’s what I do for myself.

What’s helpful for you? Do you have a certain thing you’re procrastinating at the moment?

Jx

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