Every Friday I post a “here’s the thing” blog. “Here’s the thing” is something my mum (and many other wise people) like to say when they’re about to make a good point. Hopefully these posts are also good points.
I want to start off by saying: this is not an easy thing to write about, mostly because I’m really feeling the effects of it right now. This week I’ve been fighting off a cold, and as I write this from my bed on Friday morning, I can tell you that I’ve now stopped fighting. I’m run down and a bit poorly.
And I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself.
Looking after myself and trying not to do too much (so that whatever’s got me run down would quietly, you know, piss off) has meant that I’ve been inside on my own for a lot of this week. Which has meant even less human interaction than usual. And that has really hit home.
Working by yourself is lonely. Running a small business is lonely.
How many times have I heard that from small business owners? And I understood, I really did. But now that I’m nearly two months in and working on my own, I understand more.
I like my own company. I dislike pretending to like people I don’t (as discussed last week). I like my clients, I like my work. But I’m human, and as humans we crave the company of others. Not always real life company, even – sometimes we just want someone to say, “well done”, or “I feel the same”, or “do you want a cup of tea?” (I’ve somehow become completely overwhelmed with gratitude every time someone else makes me a cup of tea. It’s a rare occurrence these days, and feels so thoughtful!)
And I think in a recapitulation of the “comparison is the thief of joy” theme, sometimes it’s easy to imagine that other people don’t feel as lonely as we do. That they’re over there, never feeling insecure, totally fine working by themselves, and completely self-sufficient.
Well. I wager that that’s not true. No man is an island, and neither are we.
So here’s the thing:
Before we all try to rush and fix it by seeking acknowledgement on social media or hustling for attention from our nearest and dearest, how about we accept that this feeling of loneliness is human? That we are having a completely normal, truthful, authentic reaction to our situation.
And then let’s think about the feedback we really want, the authentic, truthful, maybe painful honesty that would make us feel seen and heard. Who can give you that? Where’s your community?
When was the last time someone really understood you and your current challenges and successes? Remember that feeling. Sometimes that’s enough.
And in the style of those cheesy posters, how about, seeing as you’re here, you take what you need from me:
- You’re doing your best
- Well done, you did a great job getting through Father’s Day/summer holidays/the year so far
- You’re offering something unique in the world
- You’re not alone
- I know just how you feel
- I hear you. I see you.
And if you need more, I’m right here. Or here. Or here.
I agree, its hard to know what working from home (or being unemployed) is like in terms of loneliness. I work from home, and it suits me as I love my own company, but that doesn’t stop me getting lonely too.
Really hard! And it totally doesn’t mean we don’t love it and it isn’t completely the right decision for us. Just, you know, sometimes it feels kinda like you’re on your own.
Oh Jenny, I know exactly what you mean. It’s really hard running a business from home – you are often so wrapped up in the work that you don’t see anyone other than the delivery man or the Post Office staff! It can be incredibly lonely working for yourself (as well as incredibly rewarding of course). I share my thoughts and have chats with my social media friends during the day so I don’t feel like I’m really on my own, and the notonthehighstreet forum is a real lifeline for me, making it possible for me to interact with other people who are in the same boat – we all need a support network of some sort or another. There are so many positives about working for yourself though – you can pretty much please yourself, make decisions that you want without having to get them okayed by anyone else, you can work the hours around your life, take time off when you need to, be flexible if you have school age children and feel a massive sense of satisfaction that YOU are successfully running a small business. Yes YOU! It’s an amazing feeling and one that we shouldn’t forget. Yes, it can be lonely. But I wouldn’t swap that and go back to working for someone else, and I’m sure anyone else who is running their own business would say the same 🙂
I love your posts – they really do hit a note. Thank you Jenny, you’re a star. x
Thank you, Michelle, and I totally, totally agree that the positives of small business outweigh negatives, like loneliness. The rewards of an amazing week or year are something to hold onto. But you’re still successful even when you feel a bit doubtful or lonely or isolated. We’re in it together! And I’m so glad you enjoy the posts 🙂
Another great post, Jenny, and written when you’re feeling lousy too! Hope you feel much better very, very soon.
I completely agree with you, and actually I’ve noticed that I can still feel lonely even when I have my other lovely team member working with me in the studio. It’s knowing that, although I have people to help or ask opinions of, the buck still stops with me. It’s my business, I’m responsible for every decision made and, while this was a big reason for becoming self-employed, sometimes that responsibility can weigh very heavy! I wouldn’t change my situation for anything and having other people who know exactly what this is like to talk to on social media is an enormous comfort.
I’m putting the kettle on, would you like a cuppa? 🙂 x
Thank you, Gabrielle, and I’m definitely aiming to feel better very soon! You really hit the nail on the head – it’s lonely because, ultimately, it’s you who makes the decisions. Which is awesome and terrifying, depending on the day. Thank you for being part of my social media life!
And I would LOVE a cuppa 🙂 x
I’ve been self employed for the past 6 years and in the beginning I was completely on my own all day every day and I found it both terrifying and liberating all at once… Some days I loved the peace and being left alone to write whatever copy I was working on at the time was a god send after working in a busy design studio for so many years. But other days the quiet was almost oppressive and I craved some human contact…
These past few years I’ve had my babies at home with me and while it means there’s never five minutes peace in the place it doesn’t stop you getting lonely, or wishing you had someone (above 3 feet tall) to bounce ideas off of. I try not to tweet/post/facebook in my needy moments, but it can be hard sometimes… It’s good to know we’re all in the same boat :0)
Hello Jenny, hope you’re feeling a little better now.
Great post&I agree with everything you & the others have said. Wouldn’t swap it but I sometimes think there must be an easier way!! Thank goodness for others who live the same way x
Hey Jenny, I absolutely love this post! Im 17 and just finishing my final year of A levels and all ive ever wanted to do since around 14 is just run my own business. But getting older, Ive come to realise that like you said, things can get so lonely when its just you in your little room. What I wanted to ask was, is there any advice you could give to someone my age who wants to set their own business up but are having the above worries of being lonely? I am considering going to University to study Business and Marketing Management just in case things go wrong with my business and too enjoy my self as a youngster i suppose while I can but yeah!
Look forward to hearing from you x
Hi Tom, how exciting that you’re looking to run your own business! It is honestly one of the most rewarding things, but you do have to keep a sense of perspective. It’s never perfect, and you’re always learning! For someone at your age and stage, I’d recommend finding something – a part-time job, some form of short course or education – that can give you a bit of routine. You want plenty of time to focus on your business, but having some structure to your week that keeps you in touch with real life people can be so so helpful. I definitely recommend building a network, preferably local, of like-minded business owners to talk to about your experiences. I hope that helps! I’d love to see what you’re up to – email me if you’d like to chat more: jenny@thejennyhyde.com x