Here's the thing: being your best self

Tell me if this message feels familiar:

“Be yourself, be unique, be original, but only if it looks good on Pinterest and Instagram, and is hand-drawn, organic, on-trend, entirely creative. Oh, and perfect.”

I feel like that’s the message we’re given all the time. Full of pressure, uncertainty, subtlety we don’t understand, and rules we can’t follow. That first bit about being ourselves sounds great, right? We want to be ourselves. We are unique and original, and we want to show it! And we want it to matter.

But recently I’ve been feeling the pull of that elusive thing about being cool, about fitting in, about following the trend-setter rules. And I know you feel them too, those implicit hidden agendas.

As Brene Brown (my fave) says, “fitting in” gets in the way of real belonging. We all know how to hustle for approval, for the sense of belonging we crave. We know how to tweak and adapt and change who we are, what we say, what we like, so that people will like us.

And sometimes, we get caught up in hustling in our business lives as well as our personal lives. (When we’re our own boss, our business and personal lives are so interlinked. And that’s okay, we just need to be aware of it.)

So, how do we make sure we’re being truly authentic, whilst also being our best selves (and our best businesses)?

Let go of perfection. No one is perfect. Everyone has their own blend of creativity, of things they like and dislike, of things they’re good at and not so good at. All your imperfections are okay, right now, even if you haven’t made a sale today, or haven’t lost the weight yet, or whatever your “not good enough” thing is.

Decide what your quality markers are. This is where we get to hold ourselves accountable to the standards we believe in. How do you tell that something’s ready to be put out in the world? (And yes, sometimes it’s a wing and a prayer sort of situation…) For me, I know a blog is right when it speaks from the heart, when I have a piece of truth I want to tell. I don’t worry about whether it is exactly what everyone needs to hear. I’ve stopped worrying that I’m the only one who’s imperfect. I know that truth-telling is essential to me.

You might decide a certain quality level of photo is essential for you, so as long as you’ve got that, you’re good to go, even if you don’t have a witty caption, or a relevant link. You might decide that the spirit of the thing is more important than composition — or the other way around. Reflect what’s important to you.

Check your motivation. If you’re designing something, posting something, saying something, in order to “fit in” or look cool, question yourself. Is this really what you want to be putting out in the world? Do you want to be succumbing to peer pressure, to the unspoken rules that no one understands? Are you looking for validation from people? Ask for feedback from trusted supporters, by all means, but don’t ask Facebook to validate your decisions for you. Only you can do that.

Do you really like pastels, or are you just picking up a trend that other people like? Are you a hand-drawn brand, or is that just what’s cool right now?

Don’t be afraid to claim what you love. Even if everyone else in the world loves it too. Even if it’s featured on A Beautiful Mess. If you love it, you get to talk about it too. How often to we shy away from things because we feel like it’s been done before? And sometimes we try to say ‘Me too’ a little too urgently, in case our opportunity to have what we love slips away. In case there isn’t enough for us too. Believe you can have it, and quietly, patiently, claim it in your own way.

Consider this:

“If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble.” 

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.

Last week, I had a big realisation that, for me, it’s about substance over style. I don’t want to look good without also being good. It was a big ‘aha!’ moment for me, and it came out of planning for my retreat. I had a wobble about whether I had good enough goody bag, whether it was big enough, glamorous enough. But the thing is, the retreat isn’t about glossy magazines or going home with lots of swag. It’s about getting good rest, and good business decisions. Way more substance than style. (It’ll still look good, but I’m not about giving people superficial. It’s got to be real to be meaningful for me.)

So I hope this is helpful and gives you some ideas on how to be your best, authentic self as you put your ideas and designs out in the world.

Have a great weekend!

Jx