Here's the thing: defining enough

When you’re working by yourself, in charge of everything, it can be really hard to decide when to stop working, when to finish a product, when to say ‘I’ve done enough today/this week/for now’.

This has become a theme in recent conversations with clients, and having also made some headway myself on this, I thought I’d share some guidance on how to define ‘enough’ for yourself.

And I want to caveat this post by saying that I, too, am walking the line a lot of the time. I don’t do this perfectly. It’s a practice. I’m working on it.

And let’s work from a place where we all know that cultivating the belief that we are enough – good enough, wonderful enough, worthy of love and belonging – is vitally important to our wellbeing as human beings. Practicing doing enough won’t get you there all by itself – you also need to work on the fundamental belief – but it will help.

So. Let’s dig in.

Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t believe that enough is defined by an external measurement. Or at least, that’s the way to madness. If someone else gets to decide when you’ve done enough, or when you’re a worthy person/business, you’re going to spend your entire life hustling for someone else’s approval. And, seriously, that’s never going to bring you happiness.

Defining enough by other people’s standards or approval might look like:

Being ‘enough’ when you force yourself to work 9 to 5 (or beyond) because you ‘have to’
Being ‘enough’ when you achieve a certain number of sales per week, month or year (that rapidly increases when you get there)
Being ‘enough’ when they like you
Being ‘enough’ when you’re featured as much as other people
Being ‘enough’ when you can say yes to every single opportunity that comes your way without struggling

These are just some examples. I think it’s important to note that defining yourself by a sales target is troublesome for me, because you’re ultimately relying on other people (customers, clients) to ‘approve’ of you, like your products, take an action that you can’t control.

And this is about defining ‘enough’ for you, within the realms that you can control, or at least significantly influence.

Last week, I announced on Facebook that I won’t be taking on any more clients until at least July. That decision was scary. I’d been thinking about it for about a month before I finally made the call. Yes, I was still scared when I put it out there. It’s brave. But ultimately it’s a decision that came with a whole bucket of relief, and has allowed me to feel like I’ve done enough each day since.

I knew that I was taking on too much work – way more than I could complete to my high standards. It felt like I was never at the end of the to-do list, that I’d never done enough at the end of each day.

So, I asked, what would be enough for me to do each day?

I’ve asked myself this before, when I started my business. But that was nearly a year ago. Some of the things I put in place still ring true, but my daily and weekly routines are much better defined now.

My daily enough has themes, but it changes from day to day. For example, on Wednesdays, I have three client calls, which is a lot for me. I have allowed myself to make those calls the minimum to reach ‘enough’ for that day. I don’t have to do anything else to have done enough. Sure, I often complete my notes as well, or get through some project work, or emails. But I don’t pile on the pressure to do any more than show up for those calls.

You might decide that enough is getting out orders for the day. Anything else is a bonus. Of course, you might get 50 more orders a day, and you can’t control that, so you might decide to define a number for yourself.

Here’s the thing…

How to define enough for yourself:

Set the bar low. If you expect yourself to achieve too much within a given timeframe, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Focus only on the things you can directly control. I can’t control how a client is going to feel after a call. I can’t make it a success, or guarantee I’ll give them exactly what they need. All I can do is show up, without distractions, with an open mind and heart, with all my experience, and without judgement or agenda.
Do not compare yourself to others. Their enough is not your enough. You cannot see the resources they have available, as much as you might like to think so.
Start by defining enough for each day as it comes. Then collect the themes together. Sometimes each day or week requires its very own enough, rather than trying to cookie-cutter your enough definition amidst shifting circumstances.

Some additional questions to ask yourself:

How many hours would be enough today? I typically don’t force myself to start ‘work’ – emails, phone calls, projects – until 10am. I spend a huge chunk of the morning reflecting, setting up my day, so that I’m settled and fully present. Low bar.
What’s really, truly essential? Don’t let anyone else define, for you, what’s important to do today. Just because someone expects an immediate response to an email doesn’t mean you have to give it, especially if it’s not a priority for you.
How will you respond to the unexpected? If your child is sick and you suddenly have to drop everything to take care of them, can you shift your ‘enough’ definition? Because you won’t be able to do what you usually do. And you’ll still have done enough, you’ll still be enough.

These are really just starting points on how to define enough. I think it is an ongoing practice, and inevitable is a personal practice, too.

My hope is that you’ll start to think differently about what you hold yourself accountable to. Feeling enough is something we all struggle with, and some of us it’s a daily struggle, especially when we’re caught up in society’s standards of perfection and a very specific picture of what it means to be ‘good at your job’, or even acceptable.

Please start to shake off those definitions created by other people who have no idea what your dreams are, what your challenges are, what you’re capable of.

Imagine defining enough as something achievable every day, and being able to end each day feel like you’ve done it all. You wouldn’t have to worry about the things you haven’t done, spending precious energy on something you can’t control. Imagine all the energy you’d have to slowly, consciously, carefully, do the things that really matter to you.

For me, it’s about making a significant difference in the lives of my clients. If I’m too tired to listen properly, or too overwhelmed to remember what we talked about last week, I’m not meeting my side of the bargain.

What do you define as ‘enough’? I’d love to hear!

Here's the thing: when opportunity knocks…

How do you spot opportunities? How do you decide which ones to take and which ones to put to one side? Do you struggle with feeling like there are too many opportunities, or too few?

I’ve been thinking about opportunity a lot recently. It seems like it’s a big theme for me, in my business, and for my clients.

In my experience, there are people who tend to see lots of opportunities wherever they are – things that could be done better, new ideas to try, new ways of saying something, a market need or solution to a problem. I’d count myself in that category of people. It just seems to come naturally to me to visualise how something could work. It’s a combination of optimism, idealism, and experiencing things that have worked.

From that point of constantly seeing opportunity, there’s a downward scale to not being able to see opportunity as easily. Sometimes, that’s a result of genetic predisposition, or having been around people who have the gift of opportunity-seeking.

Sometimes, our ability to see opportunity is foggy because we’re in the thick of it – taken over by day to day worries, tasks and to do lists. I know this to be true, especially after running the Small Creative Business Retreat in March, when a weekend of rest, no orders, and no chores allowed my guests to see things more clearly, to see the opportunities in from of them.

So, to see opportunity (before we even think about acting on them), we need to have the mental-emotional capacity and headspace to see them, as well as some experience of using our vision.

And then there’s deciding which opportunities to invest in. This is trickier territory. I’m pretty sure I could teach anyone to see opportunity, given enough time and resources. But deciding which ones to take up? If anyone had a hard-and-fast rule to figuring that out, I’m sure they’d be a millionaire.

Recently, I’ve found that opportunity has come knockin’, as well as the dozen or so ideas and projects I have on a list waiting to be given some attention. It is incredibly difficult to put them to one side! And how do you even decide which ones to push forward?

Here’s the thing:

I thought I’d share my personal opportunity evaluation process, and a bit about my recent decision not to take on any new clients.

What are my overarching business/personal goals and intentions? This is a biggie, but if you haven’t already put in the time to ask yourself this question, spend even half an hour to think about it. Sounds like too little time, but honestly, if you’re really focused on what you want, it’s plenty! Once you’ve got an idea of what this looks like, make sure you have it written down somewhere you can look at it when you need a reminder.
Which opportunities are getting me closer to what I really want to do? Let’s make a move on them.
Are there any quick wins? If there’s anything that requires relatively little effort for a good outcome, I might pop these up the list, but it REALLY depends on what else is going on. When I’m busy, very few things like this move up the list, because I have very little energy/time to spare.
What isn’t time-sensitive? There are PLENTY (think giant notebook full of ideas) of things that I know I’d like to do one day. I don’t have to do them now. There isn’t much lost if someone else does something similar – I’m going to do it my way anyway. So the pressure comes down.
Is there anything I can pass along to anyone else? Sometimes, there are are real opportunities that I can see are going to make someone some money or benefit them in another way. Rather than squeeze myself into every possible shape, I try to share them with people who may be able to make more of them than I can. Sometimes, it’s passing on a product idea to a client. Sometimes, it’s referring a potential client to someone with different experience.

They’re just five pointers I use to figure out my opportunity list. It’s then the art of saying ‘no’, even if I’d love to say yes.

Recently, this has been my big challenge. I’ve been run down by too much going on, too many clients, and I’ve had to cut down on taking new clients on. It’s a big deal, even if I feel relatively confident in it now. There’s always the scared part of me that thinks I should say yes to everything – but I’m not letting that part of me run the show.

I hope you’re able to see opportunities a little clearer with these ideas. It’s all a practice. The more you allow yourself to find opportunities, the more you’ll see them in unexpected places. And the better you get at saying no, the easier it will become.

But don’t forget to say yes sometimes, too.

Here's the thing: rest and play

The theme for this week has been as clear as day – almost every single client has needed the same message, and the same homework this week. To rest. To take time out. To play, doing something just for themselves.

It’s a slightly weird time of year, with bank holidays and school holidays and sales that can shift and slow down, but lots to work on nonetheless. The freefall of spring can pile the pressure on as much as Christmas sales – possibly more because there’s this sense of an endless list of things to do.

It’s also a time when you’ve made plans, you’ve decided to make lots of things happen this year, to change your habits or your mind, and yet bad habits creep in. Everyday life gets you.

I have a client who works incredibly hard at her business, and has a demanding family life. Up at 6.20 for the school run, then to orders, going guns blazing into her business life. When she stops work at the end of the day, she goes straight to kids and dinner and sorting the housework. There is very little room to take care of herself – and she’s approaching burnout.

Perhaps you’ve felt some early warning signs of burnout too?

It might be headaches, or that twinge in your back again. You might feel like you run circles round yourself just to get through the day – much less make a clear decision. Perhaps you’re always hungry, but forget to eat. Maybe you can’t sleep because your brain is still working, but you’re dead on your feet during the day.

Take any of these (and more) as early warning signs that you need to rest – and play.

There is so much science around our need for downtime and for-no-reason creative play time. Read Stuart Brown’s work or Tired of Being Tired or The Gifts Of Imperfection if you need convincing. There’s so much out there!

We are human beings – we’re not designed to push through to exhaustion. Our stress response symptoms are the same whether we’re being chased by a lion or convince ourselves our businesses will be ruined if we don’t do everything in a single day.

That’s the tough bit: we create our own stress.

We convince ourselves we’re just being lazy or pathetic or not good enough, so we push ourselves harder. We start to believe we’re the only people who can get everything done (to perfection). It’s just not true, and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Push yourself too hard, and you’ll prove yourself right, because you won’t get anything done to perfection.

No matter what kind of week you’ve had, no matter how busy, there’s always a call for rest and rejuvenation.

So here’s the thing:

Your homework, like many of my clients, is to choose something that is restful or playful, but just for you. I don’t even want to see an Instagram of it! If you really want to, email me afterwards and tell me what it was like to give yourself some rest and rejuvenation.

Here are some ideas:

Take three deep breaths. If you need guiding through it, use this recording.
Give yourself some screen-free time (no phone, laptop, tablet or TV) for 30 minutes, an entire evening, or even the entire day. See what comes up instead, without the pull of notifications, ‘just checking in’ or getting sucked into another scroll through Facebook.
Turn off notifications. Go old school. If there’s an emergency, someone will call you. Everything else can go to no notifications, putting you back in charge of when you check in.
Lie down in a darkened room, by yourself. Make it very clear that you’re not to be disturbed for 30 minutes. Just lie in the quiet, or put some relaxing music on.
Take a nap.
Drink some water. Chances are, you’re dehydrated, especially if you love the coffee or tea. And if you’re approaching burnout, your adrenal glands will definitely thank you for something to replenish with.
Go for a walk by yourself. You might take the dog, but no one else is allowed. No talking, no phones, just you. Let yourself breathe and be present in the fresh air.
Take a lunch break.
Run yourself a bath. The bathroom is definitely a place to be by yourself, just FYI. I love Rachel’s blog about running a good bath.
Get out the watercolours, pencil and paper, notebook or knitting needles. Make a mark. Make another mark. Repeat to fade. This is not for business. This is not a new product. This is simply to play. Even if you’re not “creative”, art is therapy. Enjoy it.
Book a massage or a facial.
Go to yoga. They don’t allow phones or conversation there.
Go to bed an hour early. No apologies.

Whatever you choose to do, enjoy it. Know that you’re entirely allowed to rest, to play, to take care of yourself.

Here’s the thing:

Perhaps you’ve felt some early warning signs of burnout too?

That’s the tough bit: we create our own stress.

So here’s the thing:

Enter The Forge